28 Weeks + 4

I’ve been thinking a lot about my age the past couple of days.

Be it because of my neck, my current poor health, the issues that this pregnancy has that I have no apparent say on due to my ‘advanced years’ or perhaps it’s S.A.D. Whatever the reason for it, I am acutely aware that I am getting old and I can’t stop it. I keep thinking about when DS starts school, about when PEANUT starts school 😱 I will no doubt raise school gate questions as to whether I’m their mum, or grandma.

I’ve never felt old before but suddenly I do. I’m aware that we shall be shuffling off this mortal coil a lot sooner than DS & Peanut’s piers’ parents and I feel dreadfully guilty for this, having lost both mine already.

I know there’s nothing I can do to change this and hindsight is a wonderful thing but it’s making me panic a little. 

This week has seeen the arrival of 2 new babies within my circle of ‘mummy friends’, and their family photos are just gorgeous, then I think of my own… the parents littered with wrinkles that are usually reserved for the grandparents, it’s slightly depressing.

I know I’m not the oldest mum in this town, there are several a couple of years my senior, and one ten years my senior, and they’re just the ones I know of, and I often wonder whether they have the same feelings as I do.

Perhaps it’s a good thing. Perhaps I’m slightly more tolerant because of it. I certainly don’t feel like my life is passing me by whilst I raise my family. Unlike a lot of my younger friends who feel this loss I’ve already done it all so happy to now sit at home most nights watching movies. Perhaps I’m having my midlife crisis.

Either way I’ll love my children until the day I die (hopefully that’ll be in my 90s) and hopefully they’ll be close and love each other so to have each other should we pootle off before our time.

80 days to go 

28 Weeks + 3

School day hell.

DS sobbed from the moment I mentioned it until the moment I left him there sobbing in the arms of Miss Brown. I bloody hate this. It did however turn out to be ‘his most successful session yet’ according to Miss White on pick up so we’ll see how Friday goes. In fact when we drive past the school he waved saying ‘Bye bye school, see you next time’ which I thought was positive, until he got home and said he wasn’t going again.

We’re also tossing around the idea of him going on a Tuesday afternoon, instead of Friday so there isn’t such a long gap but we’ll see. It just means he won’t finish until 5.30 and I think that’s just too late.

I set his drum kit up for him as a treat when he got home which was a hit.

More blood this morning but teeny tiny bit. I’m thinking it’s from a cut inside my vulva (TMI, sorry) than cervical but I’ll be happier when I determine for definite that’s the case. OH may get lucky later and get to ferret around down there to have a look.

Coughing still hurts like crazy and can’t wait for it to dissipate so my abdominal muscles can heal. I feel like a complete wreck. A hefty one at that.

81 days to go

28 Weeks + 2

Ended up in bed by 8.30 last night which was probably a very wise move considering the amount of coughing that was being done last night by DS and OH. I will be very glad to see the back of this cold, I daren’t cough for fear of damaging the baby in someway as I am still in great discomfort under my ribs every time I strain. Though Peanut doesn’t appear too affected as was up juggling most of the night.

Winter pregnancies suck.

Feeling so tight and uncomfortable today, like my skin has nowhere left to stretch and there’s no room left inside for anything at all and I’ve got another 12 Weeks to go. I’m actually a little scared at the size I’m going to be and whether baby will be a lot bigger than DS was. Not that I can do anything about either lol. As long as Peanut is happy and healthy that really is the only thing that matters and it’s such a short time in the grand scheme of things.

I reckon once my neck is fixed I’ll start to feel better all round, having that added discomfort is just making me feel a complete wreck.

In other news OH and I had a huge ‘talk’ and he’s been a lot more positive today. Now we’ll see how long it lasts this time.

School tomorrow, we haven’t mentioned it to DS yet, wish me luck 😬

82 days to go

28 Weeks + 1

Everything about yesterday has left me feeling on edge. I am now filled, once again, with an overwhelming feeling that something is going to go wrong with this pregnancy. Watching Coronation Street at present isn’t helping this feeling.

I’ve never worried about preeclampsia before and certainly not in this pregnancy until I was checking one of my pregnancy apps and read through the list of symptoms… Upper Abdominal Pain! Now I’m pretty much damn sure that all the coughing I’ve been doing lately has strained an abdominal muscle but I can’t help but worry now that it is something more sinister. I mentioned it yesterday and no one was concerned, and in fact were in agreement with me, there are no other warning symptoms but it has just unnerved me and I wish I’d never read the damn thing. Every time I strain, be it through a bowel movement, standing from a seated position, coughing or sneezing, I worry I’m going to hurt the baby.

I’m wondering whether because of all the problems with my neck of late I’ve just hit an all time low. I haven’t been eating properly because I simply haven’t been able to stand and cook anything so have been snacking on crap. I haven’t been able to exercise, not even walk so I’m scared that all these factors + my ‘advanced’ age will go against me.

I’m scared. I’m scared baby will come horribly early. I’m scared worse might happen. I need to fix myself and have no idea how I can do that sensibly and quickly so I can get back on the healthy train.

Stress levels at home are at an all time high and this won’t help matters either. 

I need a holiday, just me and my boy I think!

28 Weeks Pregnant

What a stressful day. Read more about that here and here but we’re back home now dealing with the usual day to day stuff that a family of colds have to offer. Namely short tempers, tantrums and arguments (and that’s just the OH 😉).

Baby:

Peanut, according to today’s scan, weighs 3Ib and is apparently 28cm in length putting it on the 90th centile. Now if it hadn’t been for DS being born at 7Ib 8oz after being told from scans he was going to be a whopper, I’d panic, but I’m not. However I do have to have a diabetes test just to remove that doubt from the specialists minds. Will be interesting to see how ‘big’ the midwife measures it in at when I see her next.

Peanut can now blink it’s eyes, which now have eyelashes. Eyesight is fast developing and billions of neurons in it’s brain are forming. Some studies show that Peanut may now be able to differentiate between voices which is just mind boggling. Meanwhile more and more body fat is being laid down in preparation for life on the outside… but not quite yet please Peanut, stay safe and snug in there a little longer please.

If Peanut is a boy the testes are now migrating into the scrotum. Should it be a girl, the clitoris is now forming.

Peanut was head down today and the midwife let me feel it’s tiny heel which was lying just under my rib cage, very bizarre and was met with a swift ‘gerroff’ kick which made us both laugh in a stressful situation.

Me:

Well barring my trapped nerve, a stinking cold and today’s drama I’m doing ok (amazingly). My moods seem to have settled though my tolerance levels remain at an all time low.

Peanut is head down meaning I’m getting regular kicks in my ribcage and may go someway to explain why my diaphragm is aching so much with each cough. 

I’ll be glad when all aches and pains dissipate, might make me relax a bit more.

Here’s this week’s comparison shot…

Left: 28 Weeks with DS, Right: Today

84 days to go

Blood… update

After 5.5 hours we were allowed to go home.

Concerns were being raised over Peanut’s heartrate, which kept dipping. Trouble being it was being so active that the monitor kept losing the trace which I kept saying. In the end the midwife stayed for twenty minutes after giving me my Anti-D (Jesus that hurts, and WHY did I opt to have it in my nerve affected arm? It now throbs four times as badly as it did before). She finally realised that actually Peanut was being a pest and kept moving away from the monitor so after discussing with the lead midwife it was determined they were happy enough to send us home.

Oh the relief.

Now of course I’m on high alert blood watch and won’t rest forEVER!!!

It doesn’t help that I have a stinking cold and have been coughing so much my upper stomach hurts. Now I daren’t cough.

Stress, stress, stress. I just want things to be fixed. Neck, cold and relationship. It all sucks right now *hurumpff*

Blood

So we got to hospital for our 28 week growth scan this morning and all was well. Baby growing well, placental blood flow good. Sonographer a bit marsh and no photos but all in all, tickity boo… until I went to empty my bladder after scan and before ANC. 

Blood.

Not lots, just spots of blood, no smearing when wiping but blood all the same.

I don’t mention it to OH as would know this would send him into a frenzy in the waiting room. 

Go to the toilet again. Still spots. Get my blood pressure and pee monitored and mention it to her who just told me to tell consultant.

Visit toilet again, nothing.

See consultant, a lady this time, tell consultant (and OH at same time… my bad) about blood who arranges for me to go up to the Maternity triage unit.

Rest of consultant appt was fine, though she said baby is on the 90th centile due to the scan measurements so wants me to arrange a diabetes screen to be in the safe side. I’ll do this at home. 

Nothing about induction mentioned. I’m too preoccupied at the moment to even think about the questions I was going to ask.

Book 35 week growth scan and ANC then trot up to Maternity Triage. This has atleast all happened quite quickly, we’ve only been here 40 minutes at this point.

Get put on monitor and told they’ll have to do bloods, order Anti-D and get a doctor to do a speculum examination.

Wait half hour.

Doctor (female) and student doctor (male, 5th year) arrive (they look like children). Examination good. Cervix is long and closed and no evidence of blood. Bit of discharge but nothing abnormal.

Massive relief.

Now waiting for midwife to take me off monitor (she’s only been back working in a hospital a short time and wants someone more experienced to check monitor trace). They check and want to leave me on longer. 

Why? I want to scream. What’s wrong?

Peanut meanwhile is happily dancing the morning away and reckon that’s why heartrate is fluctuating (between 130 and 160) so much, although this is pure lay man guess work.

We’ve now been here 2 and a half hours and DS is starting to get bored which means OH is losing the plot. Honestly, as if I need anymore stress, why can he not just man up and deal with it. Do I really need to tell him how to entertain his own son. Take him for a walk. But no, he goes and sits in the van, that’ll keep him entertained! Give me strength!

I need to pee.

Will update later…

27 Weeks + 6

I saw the oseteopath today. What a lovely lady. Very bohemian, as they always seem to be, so was very warm and welcoming and felt really at home, in her home. Straight away she diagnosed a trapped nerve and pinpointed where it was before getting to work. After an hour of rather uncomfortable treatment and getting strapped up with therapy tape I left feeling very achy and tender. 

As the day has progressed, I daren’t even say it, I think I have noticed an improvement. Even settling DS this evening I managed to lie on my right side to feed without having to readjust a million times. Tonight will be the teller though. She said I need to ice it twice a day and eat lots of curry (turmeric is a natural anti inflammatory which I was unaware of) and if it doesn’t improve I need to see Dr and get an MRI booked to pinpoint the problem. She doesn’t seem to think it’s a major disc compression as my reflexes are strong in my affected arm and says most of the time compression nerve entrapment will fix themselves within 6 weeks. So fingers crossed, I’m hoping I’ll be demanding she’s sainted tomorrow!

Now to get rid of this cold, Peanut is making coughing so much a very uncomfortable affair and the sneezing is going to put my lower back out soon.

Oh I’m having a joyous time of late. Atleast I have tomorrow to look forward to, well the scan atleast. We’ll see what gems the consultant will come up with afterwards.

Must remember to take a pee sample. Now where the heck did I put that sample tube?

Scan tomorrow 🎉🎉

85 days to go

27 Weeks + 5

I actually managed to sleep lying down last night! Granted I only had two positions to choose from and when I moved out of them I woke up with a searing pain in my neck and shoulder but the relief of a fairly decent night’s sleep was incredible. DS only woke once too so all in all a very good night. 

Woke up very stiff and thought, for a moment there, that all was not well. As the morning went on however, I realised all muscular aches and pains in my shoulder, back and neck have now subsided leaving just the searing ache from the trapped nerve to contend with. This I can just about cope with, no tears today which is a massive positive. 

Osteopath tomorrow so no doubt will have a few days aching after that but really, truly hope she can rectify this problem. 

In a way it’s been a blessing that DS has been unwell too as he hasn’t been bugging me to go out and has been easily entertained with films and YouTube and even napped a couple of times which has meant I’ve had some reprieve. Lazy parenting I know and I do feel immensely guilty about it but I really have had no option of late. I’m hoping with each day I’ll feel stronger and really hoping that this trapped nerve and dropped shoulder is easily ‘fixed’.

As for Peanut, he/she continues to beat me up from the inside so all is well there and I’m super excited to see them again on Friday, I’ve been so preoccupied with everything else that it’s come round so quickly.

Here’s to tomorrow being a brand new day.

2 days until scan 

86 days to go

27 Weeks + 4

Worst night ever last night. Ended up taking a codeine in the hope it’d allow me the luxury of lying down, but it didn’t. I had to sleep propped up in bed then I started to feel immensely sick (codeine?!), still in pain then Peanut started booting me, it continued in this vein until I gave up, got up and got myself comfortable on the sofa at 1am where I eventually fell asleep sitting up for a couple of hours.

Have now spoken to an osteopath who says it sounds to her like a trapped nerve but doesn’t want to see me until the work the physio did yesterday has settled down as she said I’d be too battered afterwards… sounds like something to look forward to. She also told me to remove the heat packs I’ve had continually since yesterday, and replace them with ice packs twice a day for 20 minutes a time. I’ll do anything right now if it helps.

I have atleast managed to find a lying down position that is comfortable enough to encourage sleep so will be heading to bed early tonight. OH away so I can hog the bed (until DS invades but atleast he snugs into me).

As much as I love the activity of Peanut I do hope it sleeps tonight and boots me all day tomorrow.

3 days until scan

87 days to go