I’ve been thinking a lot about my age the past couple of days.

Be it because of my neck, my current poor health, the issues that this pregnancy has that I have no apparent say on due to my ‘advanced years’ or perhaps it’s S.A.D. Whatever the reason for it, I am acutely aware that I am getting old and I can’t stop it. I keep thinking about when DS starts school, about when PEANUT starts school 😱 I will no doubt raise school gate questions as to whether I’m their mum, or grandma.

I’ve never felt old before but suddenly I do. I’m aware that we shall be shuffling off this mortal coil a lot sooner than DS & Peanut’s piers’ parents and I feel dreadfully guilty for this, having lost both mine already.

I know there’s nothing I can do to change this and hindsight is a wonderful thing but it’s making me panic a little. 

This week has seeen the arrival of 2 new babies within my circle of ‘mummy friends’, and their family photos are just gorgeous, then I think of my own… the parents littered with wrinkles that are usually reserved for the grandparents, it’s slightly depressing.

I know I’m not the oldest mum in this town, there are several a couple of years my senior, and one ten years my senior, and they’re just the ones I know of, and I often wonder whether they have the same feelings as I do.

Perhaps it’s a good thing. Perhaps I’m slightly more tolerant because of it. I certainly don’t feel like my life is passing me by whilst I raise my family. Unlike a lot of my younger friends who feel this loss I’ve already done it all so happy to now sit at home most nights watching movies. Perhaps I’m having my midlife crisis.

Either way I’ll love my children until the day I die (hopefully that’ll be in my 90s) and hopefully they’ll be close and love each other so to have each other should we pootle off before our time.

80 days to go 

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3 thoughts on “28 Weeks + 4

  1. I don’t remember reading your age in previous posts, but I was 36 on the day of my fourth child’s delivery last summer and I was made to feel somewhat old as well. Advanced maternal age is an unkind thing to call it. :/ I was 19 when I had my first…there are pros and cons to parenting during both ages/stages, for sure. I was young and impressionable, anxious for new developments but oh so full of love! Now, with my fourth, I am much wiser (though nowhere near where I will be ten years from now, of course) and I’m much less impressionable (though still open-minded), and very much still full of love for these kids!! Anyway, I’m rambling on. Just saying, there’s no right or wrong age to raise a child. ^_^

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    1. I was 39 when DS was conceived but 40 when he was born, I am now 43. Oh I agree with you. I do wish the medical profession wouldn’t label you though, I’m sure very young mothers have the same rants just over different issues. My partner’s parents were 18 and unmarried when he was born and she felt like social services were breathing down her neck so much so she wouldn’t let him do anything that could have remotely caused him to hurt himself. This led to him being scared of his own shadow and being bullied for not joining in and now he does it with DS. It’s about time they realised that everyone is impressionable and also that you can’t pigeon hole people just because of age, race, social class, etc.

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      1. Yep, I had to switch pediatricians three times with my oldest because I was treated as if I were an unfit parent simply because I was young. I was married, working, going to all the appointments…basically, doing everything right for my child – but none of that seemed to matter. I was treated lousy because of my age. :/ When I found a doctor who saw past that, I stayed! And we were with her practice for over ten years. 🙂
        We would like one more child (our youngest is currently 7 months), and part of me wants to hurry up and have him/her just so I won’t be even older during the pregnancy and birth and be treated poorly. The other part of me wants to wait and have a few years between Elizabeth and the next/last baby.

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