Four Months Old

On the 9th our beautiful baby girl turned four months old. Every day I thank god for entrusting not one, but two wonderful children onto my care and amaze myself that I've managed to keep both happy, healthy and alive!!!

So what has this last month brought?


On the 20th July we took Peanut for her second load of vaccinations. No appointment mix up this time.

As ever I was an emotional wreck, DS desperately wanted to comfort her and OH failed to turn up on time so I had to hold her. Thank GOD it was only one injection and the oral this time, I'm not sure I'd have coped otherwise.

I can't begin to express how much I struggle with inflicting pain on my child even though I know it's a worthy cause. How the hell do people cope with willingly taking their babies to have their ears pierced?


Peanut continues to do stints of atleast 7 hours at night, generally more subject to environmental factors (Estate traffic, horns, OH snoring, DS barking or coming in at an ungodly hour, etc).

Nap wise she still sleeps whenever she can subject again to environmental factors. As a general rule of thumb she'll wake for 2 hours then need a nap which can last anywhere between half an hour and 2 hours.


I suppose the biggest development in this last month is Peanut's attempts to self soothe as she has now (on the 2nd August) found her thumb to suckle. I can't tell you what a relief this was.

She has also succeeded in rolling from her front to back but this is still sporadic and far from consistent. She's mastered the 'sky diving' pose like a pro.

She has mastered 'feeding' herself, usually grabbing my fingers and putting them in her mouth.

When awake she is so alert and is making full use of her activity mat but loved nothing more than watching and studying DS' behaviour whom often gets her giggling like crazy.

She's definitely become more 'fluid' in her movements this month. Following things with her eyes and moving her head is a graceful fluid motion now rather than a jerky


She continues to blow bubbles and push saliva out her mouth for fun, I forgot how much I hated this development as everything is drenched within 5 minutes. Bibs don't help because she just eats them or pulls them away lol

She squirms and 'travels' vast distances quite quickly by doing this and despite being put to bed at the top of the crib (don't worry, there are no bedclothes for her to disappear under) she's soon right at the bottom with her bottom against the foot of the crib and legs in the air.

She is often found screaming and babbling away and is always 'conversing' with us. She loves being sung and talked to. She delights in the intonations in our voices.

At the moment she seems really unsettled when we're out and about, I've tried the carrycot, car seat and all the carriers I have but nothing seems to help, whether this is due to her needing a nap at these times or not I'm not sure. I do hope it's that simple.

New skills

Thumb sucking

Rolling (not consistently)

Grasping and 'Feeding'

Laughing properly


I got Peanut weighed on the 3rd August and she was a whopping 13Ib 1.5oz and is following the 25th centipede line nicely. 

Clothing wise she is now out of all her newborn stuff and slowly reaching the end of her 0-3month stuff though the 3-6 month clothing drowns her somewhat.


So what's happening with me? Not a great deal I suppose.

We're muddling through as best we can, everything is getting done but I'm just constantly tired which makes dealing with the increasing tantrums from the 3 year old extremely difficult. It's even more difficult because the tantrums are probably born out of boredom and this awful weather coupled with dealing with a baby and the fact it's the summer holidays makes it very difficult to entertain him. The few wet weather activities we have in this godforsaken place (namely softplay) are so few that they are rammed beyond compare making the whole experience more stressful than helpful.

I long for summers that I had as a child. It would make life much easier and would certainly help everybodies moods.

It was my birthday on the 3rd which was, as usual, a complete flop. No effort was made by anyone so it was basically an average day with a few cards and a present thrown at me that showed no sign of thought whatsoever. Perhaps I expect too much, perhaps this is it now I don't have a mother to spoil me. Perhaps I should return the 'favour' instead of going all out 🙄 *Birthday whinge over*

OH had his vasectomy on the 7th which has been 'fun'. Bless him, he doesn't deal well with things like this, you'd think his penis had been removed with a rusty blade and fed to him 🙄


10 stone 4 Ib. It's been a bum few weeks really on the weight loss front. I had a couple of weeks of only losing half a pound then a 1.5 Ib loss and then last week I maintained (this was an achievement seeing as it was my birthday week as I over indulged with a mediocre curry take out, prosecco and chocolate cake, thanks to Gemma!).

Three Months Old


I fear it’s going so much faster this time round and Peanut isn’t helping things by doing stuff she shouldn’t be doing yet. It makes me want to weep.

Every stage in a child’s development is ace and as you’re going through them you think “yup, this is my favourite”, even if it brings with it tantrums and answering back, the sheer joy of watching your baby/toddler/child develop new skills obliterates those ‘tricky’ bits associated with their progression. However, I’ll always treasure those newborn days the most and we have most definitely bid farewell to Peanut’s so that’s it for newborns in my world 😦

This month we started baby massage. I did this course with Noah and it’s such a lovely way of connecting with baby, though having DS hanging off me at the same time means I can’t quite devote all my attention to her currently. Another mum is there with her new son who was on the course with me before only with her middle child. It’s like we’ve stepped back in time.


Smiling and Laughing: 

It never takes much effort to make Peanut smile, that dimple is readily shown off and she is fast heading towards giggling. She is definitely making laughing attempts but it still sounds more like a barking than a giggle.

Physical Development:

Her grasp is vice like and once she’s got hold she won’t let go in a hurry, this is usually my hair, or on the odd scary occasion my loop earrings.

She loves nothing better than being sat up and is even desperate to weight bear in a standing position.

She is blowing bubbles like crazy and pretty much wetting all her tops in ten minutes flat because of it.

Back shuffling is a nightmare especially when changing her nappy, she’ll travel off the thing just as you’re attempting to do it up, I thought I had another few months before nappy changes became a mission. In her SnuzPod she’ll try and do a 180 degree turn and probably would if she had more room, we often find her wedged diagonally across the crib and bunched up right at the bottom.


At the risk of tempting fate she’s a blissfully happy and content baby. Rarely she cries unless excessively tired and very ready to greet you with a smile.

She loves her bathtime and getting dried and ready for bed under her Noah’s Ark mobile whilst I sing ‘The Animals Go In 2 by 2′, the combination make her quite giddy.


She has now gone through the first leap, Patterns and is now totally mesmerised by anything with a pattern meaning she is quite entertained when in her pram due to the patterns inside and is now happy to play on her activity mat (a godsend). However she still prefers being on the rug her granny made her with a “That’s not my…” book and her toys propped up in front of her. She isn’t one for lying in her basket staring at the ceiling, she much prefers being in the thick of it which is a challenge when DS is cantering around the living room pretending to be a highway man.

We are heading into the second leap which is the world of Smooth Transitions this week.


Her sleep continues to amaze me. She is still doing atleast a 7 hour stint at night, often 8 and sometimes even 10 or 12. Napping during the day is more challenging, on the other hand. Between DS waking her up and me having to wake her to drag her to DS’ groups etc it’s difficult to form any sort of definite routine.

Currently she’ll wake in the morning, feed then have a nap. Then the rest of the day is pretty much trying to get her to nap when and where we can. Unfortunately putting her in the SnuzPod in our room doesn’t always provide much joy due to all the builders outside so I really need to sort her cot out so she can nap in her room at the back of the house (need to repaint cot when next hot spell arrives).

Weight: 12Ib 9oz


All in all everything is going ok with me. I’m still feeling guilty about not spending the time with DS that I used to and not dedicating time to Peanut either. It’s a constant juggle and one I’m still trying to master. Needless to say I spend no time on me but hey, it’s not forever, right?

Have felt a bit low this last week or so but have put down to hormones, I’ve felt decidedly ‘periody’ which sent OH into a panic and resulted in him purchasing a pregnancy test (don’t fret, it was negative) and it got me thinking… not that I want two under 1! But that I’ll miss not ever being pregnant or having another child again. As always happens with me and the people I seem to become friends with, when they’re down I try everything to pick them up, when I’m down I don’t see anyone for dust. In fact they go as far as totally ignoring me. Have spent a lot of time chatting to my friends from home (the ones that have been there since school) and I realise how much I miss home. 

Hair is falling out now and I’m often found unravelling it from around Peanuts fingers and toes.

I started slimming world seriously this month and have managed to lose, despite having 6 HEAs and knowing I hang onto weight whilst breastfeeding. It’s slow at 2Ib in the first week, and only 1 last week but it’s losses so I’m thinking it’ll be a case of slow and steady will win the race.

Linea Nigra is still evident. Pelvic floor is getting there but I have been incredibly slack with my exercises this time round, having said that I can be trusted to sneeze but wouldn’t guarantee a trampoline session would end well.

My core is horrific but I’m planking everyday to try and make a start on it’s repair. I really need to make some time to do some yoga but currently find I’m doing something with the house when I have a rare child free time (I say child free, that’s when DS is at school and Peanut asleep)

Weight: 10 st 8.5 Ib 

**Sorry for 8 day delay in posting, it’s been manic lately**


Due to a cock up by the useless morons that work at my doctors surgery, Peanut had her 8 week vaccinations yesterday, at 10.5 weeks.

The surgery decided to ram a vaccination brochure in with her appointment into a regular envelope and stick a normal first class stamp on it. Needless to say a week later I got a card from the post office saying she had a letter that had been under paid and I needed to pick it up the next day and pay £1.50 for the privilege. This meant that by the time I got the letter I had half an hour to get to the appointment. Needless to say, we didn’t make it.

I had kind of figured that we could get an appointment the next day but apparently the vaccinations can ONLY be done at baby clinic which is ONLY on a Thursday and the following week was full, hence yesterday’s appointment.

I will never understand this. They have the vaccination in house so why the hell do they restrict appointments to one bloody day?!

Making sure OH was home in time from a business trip to London was a bit of a logistical nightmare but I simply can not do vaccinations. It goes against all my maternal instincts to pin my baby down whilst it screams in pain so it’s his job to do the holding whilst I try and contain my sobs whilst shushing in their ear.

It was particularly bad this time as there is the added Meningitis vaccination given (DS narrowly missed out on the introduction of this) which meant 3 jabs and the oral, as opposed to DS’ 2.

Barring the inevitable screaming she did good, she even resisted projectile vomiting the oral rotovirus vaccine that they insist ALL babies love (well I can categorically say that neither of mine loved it, far from it).

Due to the nature of the Meningitis vaccination, they recommend giving a dose of Calpol (2.5ml) when you get home and then atleast 2-3 more doses afterwards as a low grade temperature is a common side effect.

Peanut fell asleep in the car on the way home and barring getting a dose of Calpol in her and a small feed she slept all afternoon and early evening, woke at 8 for some more calpol and another feed then slept again until 2. She was boiling hot at this time but a very mild increase in body temperature so repeated Calpol and feed, opened some windows and then she slept until 6 (had it not be for DS’ usual noisy appearance she’d have probably slept longer).

It’s now 10am and she’s been asleep since pre-school run.

I truly hate having them endure their inoculations but I know how important it is for them and am now left with the dilemma as to whether to find the money to get DS his Meningitis vaccination despite telling him all his jabs are done now until he’s a teenager. Don’t relish breaking my promise but also don’t want to take the risk of him catching the disease. Though how likely is that? Dilemmas, dilemmas!

Two Months Old

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly time goes past a) the older you get and b) when you have children.

Someone once said to me, when DS was little, about parenthood “these are the longest days but the shortest years” and she was so true!!!

The days are pretty much a haze of activity from the moment we wake up (well, from the moment DS wakes us up) until I fall into bed.

We are developing a new routine that kind of works, until OH Comes home, then it goes out the window.

This last week Peanut has been asleep by 8 in her SnuzPod giving me enough time to tidy the kitchen and lounge then go to bed myself and it’s been working really well… until last night when OH was home and I’d all went to pot!!! 


I suppose the biggest, most monumental development that’s been made is our little beauty is sleeping through already. To be exact she started doing this on the 27th May, at 6 Weeks of age, with a 7 hour stint and hasn’t done less since. She even squeezed in a 10 hourer one night. I’m astounded and feel very unnerved by it as DS didn’t go longer than 3 hours at this age and that was a good night!

This has come with a minor drawback… I’m worrying now that my supply is reducing and when I got her weighed yesterday she had only put on 4oz since her 6 week review 2 weeks ago (more about this below).

She is now smiling easily and readily and really doesn’t need much encouragement (DS made us work incredibly hard for a glimmer of a smile at this age). Her first smile emerged at about 5 Weeks.

Her latest trick is climbing (standing). She pushes up on our laps with her legs really strongly to get higher up our chests. This girl is not hanging around and is desperate to get on in this world.

She cooing and gurgling beautifully and at the weekend she did her first attempt at a giggle, it made my heart explode a little.

Weight: 4970kg or 10Ib 14oz. 

This is an increase of just 4oz in 2 Weeks. This has meant she has dropped onto the 25th centile line. Health Visitors never like to see babies drop (or dramatically gain) centiles so I have to go back next week to weigh her again. I, and they, are not unduly concerned seeing as she has started sleeping through in this time frame so isn’t getting as much milk but we’ll see what happens next week. 

I’m not worried deep down, but now I’m worrying about my supply and quality of milk… cue me feeding even more now!

Which brings me onto…


Peanut has mastered this brilliantly. I feed her on demand, as is my belief. She only takes what she needs and when she’s had enough she comes off. This is alien after DS who seemed permanently attached to me. We’ve had a couple of large sick-ups which I’ve been caught short on, not being used to it. DS was a very sicky baby so I always had a wad of muslins to hand but Peanut never is so forget to have them close by. On the whole though she keeps it all down and is a very efficient feeder.

Vaccinations: only got an appointment through yesterday (after having to pay £1.50 to collect it from the post office as they hadn’t put the correct stamp on it) and the appointment was for half an hour later so I’ve had to rearrange… 2 bloody weeks!!! Why they can’t do them on a normal appointment I’ll never understand. No, it has to be a Thursday and it has to be in the afternoon… ludicrous.


Weight: I haven’t been to get weighed again yet. I was going to go this week but DS liked up a fuss about wanting to go to softplay and seeing as he’s kind of been pushed aside slightly since Peanut arrived I thought he benefit more from it than me constantly telling him to be quiet at a meeting. I hope to go next week, though.

 I’m not relishing being told how fat I am. Jelly belly is still horrifically evident and with the sudden temperature increase we have had over the last couple of weeks (forgetting the horrific weather of the last couple of days) this has depressed me considerably. I’ve pulled out all my ‘fat lady’ clothing which, even more depressingly, don’t fit so have had to order a size 14 skirt from Next and am praying that it is loose on me. I don’t deal well with weight gain and having got to my ideal weight just before I fell pregnant I feel even more depressed about it.

I have been loosely following SW plan but find my self control has entered the Bermuda Triangle. The last couple of days I’ve been really strict and just hope I don’t lose it. I need to start attending meetings but it’s just so hard with a toddler (who doesn’t *really* want to be there) and a newborn (is she still classed as newborn?).

Lochia: This finally ceased at 6.5 Weeks post partum.

Linea Nigra: Still horribly visible and filling my belly button so that area just looks like I am one of the great unwashed.

Feeding: Touch wood I have had no issues whatsoever in this department. No mastitis, no blanched nipples, no engorgement (except when she slept 10 hours one night). No leakages (again, except the 10 hotter), they have been working very efficiently. It’s been an absolute dream. Long may it continue.

Graced by an Angel

Nearly 8 weeks down the line I thought I’d dedicate a post to the one person I seriously could not have done without.

This person came into my life three years ago whilst attending groups at our local Children’s Centre. Her son is 2 months younger than DS and we called them the Children’s Centre buddies as we only ever met up here (aside from birthday parties) as we were always the ones that attended the courses run there.

About a year and half ago we started hanging out more (I can’t recall why, but I’m so glad we did) and more. She was in the latter stages of pregnancy with her second son when we really became firm friends.

Since then we’ve done so much together, only tarnished a little by a period where our sons didn’t ‘play well’ together and could only really meet up when her eldest was at school.

She truly is the most remarkably selfless person I’ve ever met. Despite her own mental health struggles she puts everyone else before herself. She threw me a surprise birthday party last year where she laid on the most incredible spread, even incorporating Slimming World goodies simply for me.

She threw me my surprise (only ruined by a random at a party a few weeks before it) baby shower, something I never thought I’d be privy to.

Then she did the ultimate.

Despite having two children of her own she decided she would look after DS when I went into labour.

As it turned out it couldn’t have gone our way more if we’d planned it that way.

She dropped everything at 7pm to come over on that fateful night.

Noah awoke in the morning and leant over her saying “Are you Mummy, or G?”. 

She then dealt with what followed with what I can only describe as pure love for our little boy.

She had bought him presents (should ours not ‘hit the mark’). She took him to our usual swimming session so 1) he didn’t miss out, and 2) to keep some sort of normality. She then took him back to hers to play with them (this was the turning point for our older boys… since this day they have got on like a house on fire once more). She took them all to the park, to the car boot, to a bouncy castle. She bought him gifts. She took him to the supermarket to buy him what he wanted for his lunch and tea.

She messaged me continually throughout the day with photos of their exploits. She never mentioned the tears (though there weren’t many after the initial upset in the morning – he didn’t have time!), she just showed me the fun and the smiles and for this I’m most grateful for.

I sent OH home from the hospital at about 3 so he could do the evening routine.

He found him happy, full of stories and completely at ease.

I swear to god I have no idea what I would have done without this amazing woman.

When you have a child and don’t have parents nor a support network, life is full on and relentless and the prospect of labouring can be an incredibly traumatic thought and event.

I fretted for months over what we’d do. We had plans and back up plans but none were ideal.

This wonderful human being stepped in and took all that worry away.

I can not thank her enough and don’t know who I’d be without her.

When I get round to getting my children christened I do hope she will agree to god parent them. I can’t think of a more suitable, positive and selfless person to have in their lives.

I love her from deep within my soul and thank her from the bottom of my heart.

At the Risk of Tempting Fate…

… it would appear we have a sleeper.

For 4 nights running now Peanut has ‘slept through’ meaning she has slept from 9/10pm until 5/6am. Last night she did a whopping 7pm until 5am… TEN WHOLE HOURS!!!

After DS you can’t begin to understand what a relief this is. DS first slept through after his third birthday, before this he’d wake atleast once, often 2 or 3 times. Now still, at 3.5yo, a sleep through isn’t guaranteed but is, on the whole the norm, thankfully. Even still his day starts from anywhere between 4.30am and 6 (the latter being a rarity). 

To have a sleeper is alien, I actually thought they were an urban myth and the mothers that bragged about them at baby group, complete and utter liars. 

But it’s true.

They exist!!!

It’s official, my 7 week old sleeps better than my 3 year old.

Of course now I’ve said all of this, she’ll never do it again!

A Life Changing Decision

I found out late last night that OH is off to the Dr this morning to book in for ‘the snip’.

I actually sobbed this morning with the realisation I will never be pregnant again, never experience those beautiful movements from within, never experience birth again, never hold my own tiny baby again.

Don’t get me wrong I knew he wanted to do it, and I agree with it to a certain extent. I feel at 43 (very nearly 44, but still hanging on) alone we have rolled the dice twice and risked so many age related ‘complications’ that maybe a third time we wouldn’t be quite so ‘lucky’. Then there’s the actual getting pregnant bit, coupled with the very real risk of yet another miscarriage meaning we could be heading into late-40s territory if we did do it again and I already feel I’m too old for the two I have. I don’t want to leave my children parentless at a young age and being the age we are this is more likely than their peers.

Yet still I sob. 

When I finally decided that I did want children, I wanted three children. I’m one of three and probably this is why I wanted this amount. In recent times I’ve found myself ‘knowing’ that had I started earlier I may well have ended up with even 4 or 5.

However, I didn’t and this is where we find ourselves, yet still I mourn.

Many years ago my SIL had to have a hysterectomy, she was in her mid to late 40s. My brother and she had, years previously, already decided they weren’t having children but she struggled. I remember (in my unknowing youth) wondering why she was so upset when she didn’t want children anyway, but my mum told me that it was their choice not to have children but now her body has taken that choice away and decided for her and that’s where she struggled.

I now know how she feels.

I know that we’re not going to have more but once this procedure is done it’s final.

There’s no going back.

The decision is out of my hands.

I find myself realising that I like to live with a glimmer of hope. Something to hold onto even when you know that it’s not going to happen.

When my mum was in her final weeks and days I clung on to a belief she was sooooo sick because of an infection, not the cancer that had rampaged through her poor body. It got me through and I find myself now realising this is how I deal with everything in life.

It’s funny, when we were trying for Peanut, and actually even when we were trying for DS, I kept saying that if it happens it happens and if it doesn’t then that’s that and I was okay with that. I would have no regrets for not atleast giving it a go even though fate chose a different path for us. 

I find myself there again, wanting to leave it in the hands of the gods, but this way I know, absolutely know, that I will never birth another child again, and with this I struggle.

6-8 Week Reviews

Last week our baby girl turned 6 weeks. 6 weeks!!! Where on earth did that time go.

This meant it brought about her 6-8 week reviews with both our GP and the HV. 

She saw our GP on Monday 22nd May at 3pm. Luckily OH was actually at home so I didn’t have to take both children with me and could just concentrate on Peanut which was ideal.

This check with the GP is to check for any physical developmental issues regarding Peanut. As you can see from the below photo there are no concerns and she’s scored a ‘Satisfactory’ for all points excluding hearing which of course was done at her Newborn review.

He also had a quick check with me. Asked about my mood, my ‘healing’ and any concerns I may have of which I mentioned the tenderness of my stomach. Did I mention this in previous posts? I think I did. During pregnancy I had a tenderness on my stomach, it was sore to the touch in a particular spot on my abdomen which hadn’t gone away yet and I was concerned I may have split my stomach muscles, a condition known as Diastasis Recti. I have noticed I have a ‘peak’ there and can’t explain how tender it is. Anyway he had a poke around and doesn’t seem to think there’s a problem so to go back in a month or so if it’s the same. 

Of course I forgot to mention the numbness in my hands, I’ve got so used to it now I don’t think about it so now I’ll have to go back again, a right royal pain in the rectum with two children in tow.

So all in all this appointment went like clockwork. No concerns for anyone.

The Health Visitor review was on Friday 26th May at our local Children’s Centre at 9.30am. The timing was perfect as DS was at school so again to focus purely on Peanut.

This visit took about 45 minutes. We discussed Peanut’s development and my own mental health. She also measured and weighed Peanut and I discovered that they do not measure at birth anymore (so my not finding her length wasn’t to do with me developing sudden blindness) as the stretching out of their legs could further aggravate any undiagnosed hip problems… who knew?!

We also discussed things that’ll happen between now and her next review at a year old. Such as weaning, safety when becoming mobile (the usual stairgates, hot liquids, hair straighteners, nappy sacks, rolling off high surfaces; sofas, changing tables and beds), sleep safety and any concerns I may have.

Anyway, developmentally and physically she is doing well.


  • Smiling – Yes
  • Making Eye Contact – Yes
  • Following Movements – Yes
  • Vocalising – Yes
  • Strong Limb Movements – Yes
  • Hands Gripping – Yes
  • Any Hearing Concerns – No
  • Weight – 4.80kg 10Ib 9oz (a nearly 2Ib gain in 3 weeks!) 50th centile 
  • Length – 54.5cm, 50th centile 
  • Head Circumference – 38.3cm, 75th centile 


No concerns, no low mood, no changes in personal circumstances, no domestic abuse (though I did joke that I was close to it due to usual ignorance 😂).

So there we have it no follow up until she’s a year old but to go to weigh in clinic once a month.

Does this mean she’s now no longer considered a newborn? When does that title change to baby? Hmmm, something to ponder once again 


Great Britain woke up to the most dreadful of news this morning. I read it at 3am when woken by Peanut demanding her latest feed.

I’m speechless about this latest, in a longline, of atrocities carried out in the name of one god or another but what makes this one particularly atrocious is that this one targeted an event which was predominantly filled with children.


Innocent children.

So with that in mind and that over the next few days more children will be named as the victims of this hateful crime I hug my two even tighter tonight, I hold them longer, I kiss them harder and love them deeper.

My heart, prayers and thoughts go to those victims, and their poor heartbroken families of the Manchester Arena bombing and weep for them.

Rest in Peace 

Birth Story (Day 0)

We have now welcomed our amazing, beautiful little girl into the world and here is how it happened…

I suppose I should start where my last post left off, where the induction is concerned…

Thanks to the lateness of the appointment we managed to get DS nicely settled before we had to go. G came round at 1900 to watch him and off we went.

We arrived at hospital at 2030 and waited in maternity triage. About 2130 we got called through onto triage and met Kirsty the MW who would be looking after me at this stage of the induction process. 

She explained that I’d have to be monitored for half an hour then have a VE, a scan to check Baby was head down and then I’d have a pessary inserted to soften cervix and that this would be in for 24 hours before being taken to labour ward and put on the hormone drip, Syntocinon if nothing happened beforehand!!!

24 hours?

We don’t have childcare for more than tonight and tomorrow!!!

Cue panic and begging to just go straight on drop. She said that unless I was ‘favourable‘ then I would have to have the pessary.

The next hour I spent pleading silently with my cervix that it would be favourable.

Thankfully I was, it was. I was 6cm dilated so given the news that I’d go straight down to labour ward and onto the hormone drip as soon as they were ready for me which should be an hour or so so we tried to grab an hour’s shut eye, it was gone midnight by this point.

A lovely MW called Georgie came and fetched us about 0130 and immediately we got on. Her little boy Charlie was born 5 days after DS so we instantly had plenty to talk about.

We were settled into birthing room  number 5 and brought teas and coffees to keep us going, we were both pretty exhausted by this point.

At about 0230 a doctor came to fit a cannula and the drip was fitted and activated by about 0300 and Georgie assured me baby would be here by 6!!

This wasn’t the case.

Despite having regular and strong (according to the machines) contractions everyone was amazed that I just couldn’t feel anything. All I can explain it as was a tightening of my outer stomach muscles like you get with a TENS machine, nothing deep within.

I went from 2ml/hour to 4, to 8, to 12 then back down to 8 to prevent too many.

At this point Georgie mentioned that she thought she had felt what could have been an ear when she examined me meaning that Peanut’s head could be slightly turned meaning it wasn’t properly engaged and pushing onto my cervix thus causing this stalled progress.

If this continued then I was aware that there was a very real possibility of me having to have a c-sec.

I continued to bounce on the birthing ball, walk around the room and when OH discovered a wireless speaker behind the curtain we put on some music so I started to dance quite vigorously to desperately try and shift baby’s head.

At approximately 0750 as Heorgie neared the end of her shift she told me she was going to crank up the hormone and upped it to 16 then her replacement, Lynne, turned up and she handed over to her.

We were so lucky with midwives as Lynne, too was a great laugh and we managed to have a bit of a chat about my birth plan and what my preferences were.

At 0840 the first proper contraction hit and boy it was a doozy. I literally went from 0-1000 in one contraction. Lynne asked what position I’d like to be in and I replied not on my back between pelvis cracking contraction pains. At this point she got me on the bed where I climbed up and onto my knees grabbing the handrails on the ‘back’ of the bed.

I heard her tell me to push when I felt the urge which I was amazed about as thought I can’t have dilated that quickly but within a contraction I heard her opening the delivery pack and I was pushing.

Within half an hour, at 0913 I birthed Peanut’s head and two minutes later, at 0915 I gave birth.

It took a few seconds for her to cry which felt like a lifetime then a sobbing OH told me it was a girl!!!

That moment will be etched on my brain forever. 

A girl. 

Our family is complete. 

No pain relief but yogic breathing and a natural (barring the hormone induction) birth with no intervention. I felt every single centimetre of her descent, of her crowning and of her being born, a sensation I didn’t have with DS due to having put myself in some zen like state for the labouring hours and having been deadened ‘down there’ due to an episiotomy. Although I never got to have the water birth I would have so liked I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome, all considered.

Although having another boy would have been absolutely fine with me I think I possibly would have felt the need to try for another and with our advancing years and the time it takes us to conceive and with the risks of more miscarriages and complications due to my age I think the risks of doing so far outweigh the benefits. We’ve successfully rolled the dice twice now with a perfect outcome each time, and even though in an ideal world I would have loved three children, it’s time I stopped tempting fate and now we have one of each I don’t feel a need to risk it.