Five Months Old

Life has been so hectic that it’s taken me this long to sit down and write this month’s update and we’re almost at the 6 month one! Gah, for this I apologise.

So as she turned 5 months old on the 9th September, what did the last month have in store for my beautiful girl?

Health

On the 16th DD awoke full of Catarrh and very croaky, I’m not sure I should be so surprised as trying to stop her brother coughing and sneezing on her when he was ill the week previously was nigh ok impossible. This soon progressed to a low grade fever for about a week. This of course made her rather miserable and messed her sleep up, unfortunately for all concerned (me!).

Vaccinations

DD was due her 3rd set of vaccinations on the 17th but due to the above illness I had to postpone until the 31st. OH managed to attend these ones thankfully as it consisted on the three injections again. Post vaccinations she did run a bit of a fever which was a bit miserable for about 24 hours but all in all everything was ok. Definitely better than her becoming sick with the diseases these jabs prevent.

Having said that, I’m glad there are no more until she’s 1.

Sleep

Until the 16th DD continued to sleep through the night, since the 16th she’s waking pretty much every four hours which I’m finding really tough, having got used to a baby that sleeps through. I’m hoping this isn’t going to affect her sleep long term but I can’t help but worry that it’s messed things up.

She still naps around 3/4 times a day. Usually she’s awake 2/3 hours then needs a nap.

Development

We’ve been practising sitting now that she has more control over her head and I’ve now introduced the Bumbo seat to help with this. She’s still extremely floppy though and invariably ends up kissing her feet.

We’ve noticed that she is now searching for me when I’m not with her and the look of delight when she sees me makes my heart melt.

She now responds to her name being called.

She reaches and grasps with greater precision now and increasingly more and more things are ending up in her mouth!

She reacts to her own image in the mirror, sometimes with sheer delight and other times, hilariously, with a mixture of confusion and disgust like a ‘who the heck are you with my mummy?’ look.

Her legs are getting so strong now and when we stand her on our laps she pushes up with such force it’s quite incredible.

She can travel amazing well by shuffling on her back or front and often ends up in a completely different position to how I left her and just before she turned 5 months old she did your first back to front roll (see more below).

Favourites

Caterpillar, Giraffey and Dragon continue to be her favourite toys (probably because these are always closest to hand) and the look of joy on her face when she sees them is gorgeous.

Her favourite songs are Noah’s Ark as we sing this to her everytime she’s on her changing table whilst I spin her Noah’s Ark mobile that hangs above it. She is mesmerised by the mobile and grins from ear to ear as soon as we start singing ‘The animals go in two by two…’

Another favourite is Silent Night which has become her bedtime song aswell as DS’.

Of course her firm favourite people are either me or DS as she absolutely delights in his interactions with her which can verge on the annoying and ridiculous but her laughing in response doesn’t help me to stop him from doing them and I get the response “But mummy she likes it because she is laughing at me”, he has a fair point.

Firsts

On the 10th she had her first proper, sustained laugh whilst in the bath. I will never delight in that sound in anything as much as I do that, it really is such a heartwarming thing to hear knowing that you are the cause of such delight. The next time she did it was for her brother and at falling objects.

On the 22nd August I took her for her first trip to Lyme as I had the dentist (due to a fair bit of work this resulted in us returning every week for three weeks which was lovely). It was lovely introducing her to Auntie’s house and my home town, she got great use out of the old Marmet pram Auntie had for her son. Whilst here we spent time with some very dear friends (Caroline, Kieron and Tom) and my brothers which was lovely. I took her to Lyme beach for the first time and also took her to the Donkey Sanctuary for the first time where she was quite taken with the Donkeys.

On the 27th August we took you to your first Bude Lifeboat Day and for once the sun shone on us.

On the 3rd September we went to the Eden Project which was your first time. It was a Space exhibition there and we wanted to take DS to see Maddie Moate which he loved. DD spent the entire time crying because it has fast become apparent she hates the pram’s carry cot. Time to get the seat out I reckon, though OH disagreed, until this outing.

On the 6th September, whilst I was at the dentist, she did her first back to front roll over for Auntie. When I got back Auntie declared quite nonchalantly that it had happened, she was quite astounded when I told her that it was her first time! Can’t believe I missed it, the little monkey. Life is going to become a lot more interesting soon.

Teeth

At the end of this month (the 8th September) I noticed two little indents on her lower gum which I strongly believe will be teeth before we know it. At 21 Weeks?! DS was 30 weeks. I can’t believe it! I’m really not sure I’m ready to say goodbye to her gummy smile just yet, I thought I had another couple of months of it yet.

Growth

Due to DS’ schedule lately I couldn’t get to weigh DD until the 21st September when she was 24 weeks. At this weigh in she weighed in at 14Ib 7oz (6.56kg) and although still following the 25th centile has kind of dropped off closer to the bottom line.

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Four Months Old

On the 9th our beautiful baby girl turned four months old. Every day I thank god for entrusting not one, but two wonderful children onto my care and amaze myself that I've managed to keep both happy, healthy and alive!!!

So what has this last month brought?

Vaccinations 

On the 20th July we took Peanut for her second load of vaccinations. No appointment mix up this time.

As ever I was an emotional wreck, DS desperately wanted to comfort her and OH failed to turn up on time so I had to hold her. Thank GOD it was only one injection and the oral this time, I'm not sure I'd have coped otherwise.

I can't begin to express how much I struggle with inflicting pain on my child even though I know it's a worthy cause. How the hell do people cope with willingly taking their babies to have their ears pierced?

Sleep

Peanut continues to do stints of atleast 7 hours at night, generally more subject to environmental factors (Estate traffic, horns, OH snoring, DS barking or coming in at an ungodly hour, etc).

Nap wise she still sleeps whenever she can subject again to environmental factors. As a general rule of thumb she'll wake for 2 hours then need a nap which can last anywhere between half an hour and 2 hours.

Development

I suppose the biggest development in this last month is Peanut's attempts to self soothe as she has now (on the 2nd August) found her thumb to suckle. I can't tell you what a relief this was.

She has also succeeded in rolling from her front to back but this is still sporadic and far from consistent. She's mastered the 'sky diving' pose like a pro.

She has mastered 'feeding' herself, usually grabbing my fingers and putting them in her mouth.

When awake she is so alert and is making full use of her activity mat but loved nothing more than watching and studying DS' behaviour whom often gets her giggling like crazy.

She's definitely become more 'fluid' in her movements this month. Following things with her eyes and moving her head is a graceful fluid motion now rather than a jerky

one.

She continues to blow bubbles and push saliva out her mouth for fun, I forgot how much I hated this development as everything is drenched within 5 minutes. Bibs don't help because she just eats them or pulls them away lol

She squirms and 'travels' vast distances quite quickly by doing this and despite being put to bed at the top of the crib (don't worry, there are no bedclothes for her to disappear under) she's soon right at the bottom with her bottom against the foot of the crib and legs in the air.

She is often found screaming and babbling away and is always 'conversing' with us. She loves being sung and talked to. She delights in the intonations in our voices.

At the moment she seems really unsettled when we're out and about, I've tried the carrycot, car seat and all the carriers I have but nothing seems to help, whether this is due to her needing a nap at these times or not I'm not sure. I do hope it's that simple.

New skills

Thumb sucking

Rolling (not consistently)

Grasping and 'Feeding'

Laughing properly

Growth 

I got Peanut weighed on the 3rd August and she was a whopping 13Ib 1.5oz and is following the 25th centipede line nicely. 

Clothing wise she is now out of all her newborn stuff and slowly reaching the end of her 0-3month stuff though the 3-6 month clothing drowns her somewhat.

Me

So what's happening with me? Not a great deal I suppose.

We're muddling through as best we can, everything is getting done but I'm just constantly tired which makes dealing with the increasing tantrums from the 3 year old extremely difficult. It's even more difficult because the tantrums are probably born out of boredom and this awful weather coupled with dealing with a baby and the fact it's the summer holidays makes it very difficult to entertain him. The few wet weather activities we have in this godforsaken place (namely softplay) are so few that they are rammed beyond compare making the whole experience more stressful than helpful.

I long for summers that I had as a child. It would make life much easier and would certainly help everybodies moods.

It was my birthday on the 3rd which was, as usual, a complete flop. No effort was made by anyone so it was basically an average day with a few cards and a present thrown at me that showed no sign of thought whatsoever. Perhaps I expect too much, perhaps this is it now I don't have a mother to spoil me. Perhaps I should return the 'favour' instead of going all out 🙄 *Birthday whinge over*

OH had his vasectomy on the 7th which has been 'fun'. Bless him, he doesn't deal well with things like this, you'd think his penis had been removed with a rusty blade and fed to him 🙄

Weight

10 stone 4 Ib. It's been a bum few weeks really on the weight loss front. I had a couple of weeks of only losing half a pound then a 1.5 Ib loss and then last week I maintained (this was an achievement seeing as it was my birthday week as I over indulged with a mediocre curry take out, prosecco and chocolate cake, thanks to Gemma!).

Three Months Old

SLOW DOWN TIME.

I fear it’s going so much faster this time round and Peanut isn’t helping things by doing stuff she shouldn’t be doing yet. It makes me want to weep.

Every stage in a child’s development is ace and as you’re going through them you think “yup, this is my favourite”, even if it brings with it tantrums and answering back, the sheer joy of watching your baby/toddler/child develop new skills obliterates those ‘tricky’ bits associated with their progression. However, I’ll always treasure those newborn days the most and we have most definitely bid farewell to Peanut’s so that’s it for newborns in my world 😦

This month we started baby massage. I did this course with Noah and it’s such a lovely way of connecting with baby, though having DS hanging off me at the same time means I can’t quite devote all my attention to her currently. Another mum is there with her new son who was on the course with me before only with her middle child. It’s like we’ve stepped back in time.

Peanut:

Smiling and Laughing: 

It never takes much effort to make Peanut smile, that dimple is readily shown off and she is fast heading towards giggling. She is definitely making laughing attempts but it still sounds more like a barking than a giggle.

Physical Development:

Her grasp is vice like and once she’s got hold she won’t let go in a hurry, this is usually my hair, or on the odd scary occasion my loop earrings.

She loves nothing better than being sat up and is even desperate to weight bear in a standing position.

She is blowing bubbles like crazy and pretty much wetting all her tops in ten minutes flat because of it.

Back shuffling is a nightmare especially when changing her nappy, she’ll travel off the thing just as you’re attempting to do it up, I thought I had another few months before nappy changes became a mission. In her SnuzPod she’ll try and do a 180 degree turn and probably would if she had more room, we often find her wedged diagonally across the crib and bunched up right at the bottom.

Emotion:

At the risk of tempting fate she’s a blissfully happy and content baby. Rarely she cries unless excessively tired and very ready to greet you with a smile.

She loves her bathtime and getting dried and ready for bed under her Noah’s Ark mobile whilst I sing ‘The Animals Go In 2 by 2′, the combination make her quite giddy.

Leaps:

She has now gone through the first leap, Patterns and is now totally mesmerised by anything with a pattern meaning she is quite entertained when in her pram due to the patterns inside and is now happy to play on her activity mat (a godsend). However she still prefers being on the rug her granny made her with a “That’s not my…” book and her toys propped up in front of her. She isn’t one for lying in her basket staring at the ceiling, she much prefers being in the thick of it which is a challenge when DS is cantering around the living room pretending to be a highway man.

We are heading into the second leap which is the world of Smooth Transitions this week.

Sleep: 

Her sleep continues to amaze me. She is still doing atleast a 7 hour stint at night, often 8 and sometimes even 10 or 12. Napping during the day is more challenging, on the other hand. Between DS waking her up and me having to wake her to drag her to DS’ groups etc it’s difficult to form any sort of definite routine.

Currently she’ll wake in the morning, feed then have a nap. Then the rest of the day is pretty much trying to get her to nap when and where we can. Unfortunately putting her in the SnuzPod in our room doesn’t always provide much joy due to all the builders outside so I really need to sort her cot out so she can nap in her room at the back of the house (need to repaint cot when next hot spell arrives).

Weight: 12Ib 9oz

Me:

All in all everything is going ok with me. I’m still feeling guilty about not spending the time with DS that I used to and not dedicating time to Peanut either. It’s a constant juggle and one I’m still trying to master. Needless to say I spend no time on me but hey, it’s not forever, right?

Have felt a bit low this last week or so but have put down to hormones, I’ve felt decidedly ‘periody’ which sent OH into a panic and resulted in him purchasing a pregnancy test (don’t fret, it was negative) and it got me thinking… not that I want two under 1! But that I’ll miss not ever being pregnant or having another child again. As always happens with me and the people I seem to become friends with, when they’re down I try everything to pick them up, when I’m down I don’t see anyone for dust. In fact they go as far as totally ignoring me. Have spent a lot of time chatting to my friends from home (the ones that have been there since school) and I realise how much I miss home. 

Hair is falling out now and I’m often found unravelling it from around Peanuts fingers and toes.

I started slimming world seriously this month and have managed to lose, despite having 6 HEAs and knowing I hang onto weight whilst breastfeeding. It’s slow at 2Ib in the first week, and only 1 last week but it’s losses so I’m thinking it’ll be a case of slow and steady will win the race.

Linea Nigra is still evident. Pelvic floor is getting there but I have been incredibly slack with my exercises this time round, having said that I can be trusted to sneeze but wouldn’t guarantee a trampoline session would end well.

My core is horrific but I’m planking everyday to try and make a start on it’s repair. I really need to make some time to do some yoga but currently find I’m doing something with the house when I have a rare child free time (I say child free, that’s when DS is at school and Peanut asleep)

Weight: 10 st 8.5 Ib 

**Sorry for 8 day delay in posting, it’s been manic lately**

Vaccinations

Due to a cock up by the useless morons that work at my doctors surgery, Peanut had her 8 week vaccinations yesterday, at 10.5 weeks.

The surgery decided to ram a vaccination brochure in with her appointment into a regular envelope and stick a normal first class stamp on it. Needless to say a week later I got a card from the post office saying she had a letter that had been under paid and I needed to pick it up the next day and pay £1.50 for the privilege. This meant that by the time I got the letter I had half an hour to get to the appointment. Needless to say, we didn’t make it.

I had kind of figured that we could get an appointment the next day but apparently the vaccinations can ONLY be done at baby clinic which is ONLY on a Thursday and the following week was full, hence yesterday’s appointment.

I will never understand this. They have the vaccination in house so why the hell do they restrict appointments to one bloody day?!

Making sure OH was home in time from a business trip to London was a bit of a logistical nightmare but I simply can not do vaccinations. It goes against all my maternal instincts to pin my baby down whilst it screams in pain so it’s his job to do the holding whilst I try and contain my sobs whilst shushing in their ear.

It was particularly bad this time as there is the added Meningitis vaccination given (DS narrowly missed out on the introduction of this) which meant 3 jabs and the oral, as opposed to DS’ 2.

Barring the inevitable screaming she did good, she even resisted projectile vomiting the oral rotovirus vaccine that they insist ALL babies love (well I can categorically say that neither of mine loved it, far from it).

Due to the nature of the Meningitis vaccination, they recommend giving a dose of Calpol (2.5ml) when you get home and then atleast 2-3 more doses afterwards as a low grade temperature is a common side effect.

Peanut fell asleep in the car on the way home and barring getting a dose of Calpol in her and a small feed she slept all afternoon and early evening, woke at 8 for some more calpol and another feed then slept again until 2. She was boiling hot at this time but a very mild increase in body temperature so repeated Calpol and feed, opened some windows and then she slept until 6 (had it not be for DS’ usual noisy appearance she’d have probably slept longer).

It’s now 10am and she’s been asleep since pre-school run.

I truly hate having them endure their inoculations but I know how important it is for them and am now left with the dilemma as to whether to find the money to get DS his Meningitis vaccination despite telling him all his jabs are done now until he’s a teenager. Don’t relish breaking my promise but also don’t want to take the risk of him catching the disease. Though how likely is that? Dilemmas, dilemmas!

Two Months Old

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly time goes past a) the older you get and b) when you have children.

Someone once said to me, when DS was little, about parenthood “these are the longest days but the shortest years” and she was so true!!!

The days are pretty much a haze of activity from the moment we wake up (well, from the moment DS wakes us up) until I fall into bed.

We are developing a new routine that kind of works, until OH Comes home, then it goes out the window.

This last week Peanut has been asleep by 8 in her SnuzPod giving me enough time to tidy the kitchen and lounge then go to bed myself and it’s been working really well… until last night when OH was home and I’d all went to pot!!! 

Peanut:

I suppose the biggest, most monumental development that’s been made is our little beauty is sleeping through already. To be exact she started doing this on the 27th May, at 6 Weeks of age, with a 7 hour stint and hasn’t done less since. She even squeezed in a 10 hourer one night. I’m astounded and feel very unnerved by it as DS didn’t go longer than 3 hours at this age and that was a good night!

This has come with a minor drawback… I’m worrying now that my supply is reducing and when I got her weighed yesterday she had only put on 4oz since her 6 week review 2 weeks ago (more about this below).

She is now smiling easily and readily and really doesn’t need much encouragement (DS made us work incredibly hard for a glimmer of a smile at this age). Her first smile emerged at about 5 Weeks.

Her latest trick is climbing (standing). She pushes up on our laps with her legs really strongly to get higher up our chests. This girl is not hanging around and is desperate to get on in this world.

She cooing and gurgling beautifully and at the weekend she did her first attempt at a giggle, it made my heart explode a little.

Weight: 4970kg or 10Ib 14oz. 

This is an increase of just 4oz in 2 Weeks. This has meant she has dropped onto the 25th centile line. Health Visitors never like to see babies drop (or dramatically gain) centiles so I have to go back next week to weigh her again. I, and they, are not unduly concerned seeing as she has started sleeping through in this time frame so isn’t getting as much milk but we’ll see what happens next week. 

I’m not worried deep down, but now I’m worrying about my supply and quality of milk… cue me feeding even more now!

Which brings me onto…

Feeding:

Peanut has mastered this brilliantly. I feed her on demand, as is my belief. She only takes what she needs and when she’s had enough she comes off. This is alien after DS who seemed permanently attached to me. We’ve had a couple of large sick-ups which I’ve been caught short on, not being used to it. DS was a very sicky baby so I always had a wad of muslins to hand but Peanut never is so forget to have them close by. On the whole though she keeps it all down and is a very efficient feeder.

Vaccinations: only got an appointment through yesterday (after having to pay £1.50 to collect it from the post office as they hadn’t put the correct stamp on it) and the appointment was for half an hour later so I’ve had to rearrange… 2 bloody weeks!!! Why they can’t do them on a normal appointment I’ll never understand. No, it has to be a Thursday and it has to be in the afternoon… ludicrous.

Me:

Weight: I haven’t been to get weighed again yet. I was going to go this week but DS liked up a fuss about wanting to go to softplay and seeing as he’s kind of been pushed aside slightly since Peanut arrived I thought he benefit more from it than me constantly telling him to be quiet at a meeting. I hope to go next week, though.

 I’m not relishing being told how fat I am. Jelly belly is still horrifically evident and with the sudden temperature increase we have had over the last couple of weeks (forgetting the horrific weather of the last couple of days) this has depressed me considerably. I’ve pulled out all my ‘fat lady’ clothing which, even more depressingly, don’t fit so have had to order a size 14 skirt from Next and am praying that it is loose on me. I don’t deal well with weight gain and having got to my ideal weight just before I fell pregnant I feel even more depressed about it.

I have been loosely following SW plan but find my self control has entered the Bermuda Triangle. The last couple of days I’ve been really strict and just hope I don’t lose it. I need to start attending meetings but it’s just so hard with a toddler (who doesn’t *really* want to be there) and a newborn (is she still classed as newborn?).

Lochia: This finally ceased at 6.5 Weeks post partum.

Linea Nigra: Still horribly visible and filling my belly button so that area just looks like I am one of the great unwashed.

Feeding: Touch wood I have had no issues whatsoever in this department. No mastitis, no blanched nipples, no engorgement (except when she slept 10 hours one night). No leakages (again, except the 10 hotter), they have been working very efficiently. It’s been an absolute dream. Long may it continue.

Graced by an Angel

Nearly 8 weeks down the line I thought I’d dedicate a post to the one person I seriously could not have done without.

This person came into my life three years ago whilst attending groups at our local Children’s Centre. Her son is 2 months younger than DS and we called them the Children’s Centre buddies as we only ever met up here (aside from birthday parties) as we were always the ones that attended the courses run there.

About a year and half ago we started hanging out more (I can’t recall why, but I’m so glad we did) and more. She was in the latter stages of pregnancy with her second son when we really became firm friends.

Since then we’ve done so much together, only tarnished a little by a period where our sons didn’t ‘play well’ together and could only really meet up when her eldest was at school.

She truly is the most remarkably selfless person I’ve ever met. Despite her own mental health struggles she puts everyone else before herself. She threw me a surprise birthday party last year where she laid on the most incredible spread, even incorporating Slimming World goodies simply for me.

She threw me my surprise (only ruined by a random at a party a few weeks before it) baby shower, something I never thought I’d be privy to.

Then she did the ultimate.

Despite having two children of her own she decided she would look after DS when I went into labour.

As it turned out it couldn’t have gone our way more if we’d planned it that way.

She dropped everything at 7pm to come over on that fateful night.

Noah awoke in the morning and leant over her saying “Are you Mummy, or G?”. 

She then dealt with what followed with what I can only describe as pure love for our little boy.

She had bought him presents (should ours not ‘hit the mark’). She took him to our usual swimming session so 1) he didn’t miss out, and 2) to keep some sort of normality. She then took him back to hers to play with them (this was the turning point for our older boys… since this day they have got on like a house on fire once more). She took them all to the park, to the car boot, to a bouncy castle. She bought him gifts. She took him to the supermarket to buy him what he wanted for his lunch and tea.

She messaged me continually throughout the day with photos of their exploits. She never mentioned the tears (though there weren’t many after the initial upset in the morning – he didn’t have time!), she just showed me the fun and the smiles and for this I’m most grateful for.

I sent OH home from the hospital at about 3 so he could do the evening routine.

He found him happy, full of stories and completely at ease.

I swear to god I have no idea what I would have done without this amazing woman.

When you have a child and don’t have parents nor a support network, life is full on and relentless and the prospect of labouring can be an incredibly traumatic thought and event.

I fretted for months over what we’d do. We had plans and back up plans but none were ideal.

This wonderful human being stepped in and took all that worry away.

I can not thank her enough and don’t know who I’d be without her.

When I get round to getting my children christened I do hope she will agree to god parent them. I can’t think of a more suitable, positive and selfless person to have in their lives.

I love her from deep within my soul and thank her from the bottom of my heart.

At the Risk of Tempting Fate…

… it would appear we have a sleeper.

For 4 nights running now Peanut has ‘slept through’ meaning she has slept from 9/10pm until 5/6am. Last night she did a whopping 7pm until 5am… TEN WHOLE HOURS!!!

After DS you can’t begin to understand what a relief this is. DS first slept through after his third birthday, before this he’d wake atleast once, often 2 or 3 times. Now still, at 3.5yo, a sleep through isn’t guaranteed but is, on the whole the norm, thankfully. Even still his day starts from anywhere between 4.30am and 6 (the latter being a rarity). 

To have a sleeper is alien, I actually thought they were an urban myth and the mothers that bragged about them at baby group, complete and utter liars. 

But it’s true.

They exist!!!

It’s official, my 7 week old sleeps better than my 3 year old.

Of course now I’ve said all of this, she’ll never do it again!

A Life Changing Decision

I found out late last night that OH is off to the Dr this morning to book in for ‘the snip’.

I actually sobbed this morning with the realisation I will never be pregnant again, never experience those beautiful movements from within, never experience birth again, never hold my own tiny baby again.

Don’t get me wrong I knew he wanted to do it, and I agree with it to a certain extent. I feel at 43 (very nearly 44, but still hanging on) alone we have rolled the dice twice and risked so many age related ‘complications’ that maybe a third time we wouldn’t be quite so ‘lucky’. Then there’s the actual getting pregnant bit, coupled with the very real risk of yet another miscarriage meaning we could be heading into late-40s territory if we did do it again and I already feel I’m too old for the two I have. I don’t want to leave my children parentless at a young age and being the age we are this is more likely than their peers.

Yet still I sob. 

When I finally decided that I did want children, I wanted three children. I’m one of three and probably this is why I wanted this amount. In recent times I’ve found myself ‘knowing’ that had I started earlier I may well have ended up with even 4 or 5.

However, I didn’t and this is where we find ourselves, yet still I mourn.

Many years ago my SIL had to have a hysterectomy, she was in her mid to late 40s. My brother and she had, years previously, already decided they weren’t having children but she struggled. I remember (in my unknowing youth) wondering why she was so upset when she didn’t want children anyway, but my mum told me that it was their choice not to have children but now her body has taken that choice away and decided for her and that’s where she struggled.

I now know how she feels.

I know that we’re not going to have more but once this procedure is done it’s final.

There’s no going back.

The decision is out of my hands.

I find myself realising that I like to live with a glimmer of hope. Something to hold onto even when you know that it’s not going to happen.

When my mum was in her final weeks and days I clung on to a belief she was sooooo sick because of an infection, not the cancer that had rampaged through her poor body. It got me through and I find myself now realising this is how I deal with everything in life.

It’s funny, when we were trying for Peanut, and actually even when we were trying for DS, I kept saying that if it happens it happens and if it doesn’t then that’s that and I was okay with that. I would have no regrets for not atleast giving it a go even though fate chose a different path for us. 

I find myself there again, wanting to leave it in the hands of the gods, but this way I know, absolutely know, that I will never birth another child again, and with this I struggle.

6-8 Week Reviews

Last week our baby girl turned 6 weeks. 6 weeks!!! Where on earth did that time go.

This meant it brought about her 6-8 week reviews with both our GP and the HV. 

She saw our GP on Monday 22nd May at 3pm. Luckily OH was actually at home so I didn’t have to take both children with me and could just concentrate on Peanut which was ideal.

This check with the GP is to check for any physical developmental issues regarding Peanut. As you can see from the below photo there are no concerns and she’s scored a ‘Satisfactory’ for all points excluding hearing which of course was done at her Newborn review.


He also had a quick check with me. Asked about my mood, my ‘healing’ and any concerns I may have of which I mentioned the tenderness of my stomach. Did I mention this in previous posts? I think I did. During pregnancy I had a tenderness on my stomach, it was sore to the touch in a particular spot on my abdomen which hadn’t gone away yet and I was concerned I may have split my stomach muscles, a condition known as Diastasis Recti. I have noticed I have a ‘peak’ there and can’t explain how tender it is. Anyway he had a poke around and doesn’t seem to think there’s a problem so to go back in a month or so if it’s the same. 

Of course I forgot to mention the numbness in my hands, I’ve got so used to it now I don’t think about it so now I’ll have to go back again, a right royal pain in the rectum with two children in tow.

So all in all this appointment went like clockwork. No concerns for anyone.

The Health Visitor review was on Friday 26th May at our local Children’s Centre at 9.30am. The timing was perfect as DS was at school so again to focus purely on Peanut.

This visit took about 45 minutes. We discussed Peanut’s development and my own mental health. She also measured and weighed Peanut and I discovered that they do not measure at birth anymore (so my not finding her length wasn’t to do with me developing sudden blindness) as the stretching out of their legs could further aggravate any undiagnosed hip problems… who knew?!

We also discussed things that’ll happen between now and her next review at a year old. Such as weaning, safety when becoming mobile (the usual stairgates, hot liquids, hair straighteners, nappy sacks, rolling off high surfaces; sofas, changing tables and beds), sleep safety and any concerns I may have.

Anyway, developmentally and physically she is doing well.

Peanut:

  • Smiling – Yes
  • Making Eye Contact – Yes
  • Following Movements – Yes
  • Vocalising – Yes
  • Strong Limb Movements – Yes
  • Hands Gripping – Yes
  • Any Hearing Concerns – No
  • Weight – 4.80kg 10Ib 9oz (a nearly 2Ib gain in 3 weeks!) 50th centile 
  • Length – 54.5cm, 50th centile 
  • Head Circumference – 38.3cm, 75th centile 


Me:

No concerns, no low mood, no changes in personal circumstances, no domestic abuse (though I did joke that I was close to it due to usual ignorance 😂).

So there we have it no follow up until she’s a year old but to go to weigh in clinic once a month.

Does this mean she’s now no longer considered a newborn? When does that title change to baby? Hmmm, something to ponder once again 

Manchester

Great Britain woke up to the most dreadful of news this morning. I read it at 3am when woken by Peanut demanding her latest feed.

I’m speechless about this latest, in a longline, of atrocities carried out in the name of one god or another but what makes this one particularly atrocious is that this one targeted an event which was predominantly filled with children.

Children.

Innocent children.

So with that in mind and that over the next few days more children will be named as the victims of this hateful crime I hug my two even tighter tonight, I hold them longer, I kiss them harder and love them deeper.

My heart, prayers and thoughts go to those victims, and their poor heartbroken families of the Manchester Arena bombing and weep for them.

Rest in Peace