24 Weeks + 1

New Year’s Eve

How times have changed. 

I write this, in bed, at 2210hrs. I hope to be fast asleep as we say goodbye to 2016 and welcome a brand new year in. 

The years I spent this exact time getting ready to start the partying seems a different lifetime ago but as I listen to DS’ gentle slumber beside me and feel Peanut’s not so gentle nudges within me I smile and think it’s not such a bad thing. I’m a different person now and I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather be or anyone I’d rather spend the moment with than where I am, and who I am with, right now.

We’ve come back to my hometown for New Year this year and although I won’t be larging it up in my old local like I did before, frolicking on the beach at midnight before dragging myself back home at 5am, I have spent a most wonderful evening with people very important and special to me and for that I am grateful.

2016 hasn’t been the worst year, though it hasn’t been easy either. We’ve had our fair share of worries, financial hardship and turmoil but we have also made some wonderful memories with our beautiful boy, watched him grow another year older, have enjoyed good health all round and of course managed to conceive and nurture Peanut for 24 whole weeks.

2017, I’m sure, will bring with it more turmoil and more hardship but it’ll also (hopefully) bring the safe and healthy arrival of our much longed for second child and a move to a more suitable home And for those points alone I say: “bring it on 2017, I’m welcoming you with open arms and long for what you have in store.”

Happy New Year guys, thank you for taking the time to follow my journey and I truly hope 2017 is kind to everyone. Much love.

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24 Weeks Pregnant

This is a monumental week. This week everything changes. This week means that if my baby has to come early (not that there’s any reason for this, just ‘ifs’) the medical world will do all it can to help it survive. I do kind of breathe a small sigh of relief at this milestone.

Woke up at 4.30 this morning…. GAH! OH ‘helpfully’ took DS out from 12-3, so I could rest!!! I told him that he could have got up with him for that, so spent those 3 hours watching ‘Frequency’ and doing the housework… genius idea OH, genius!

The Baby:

Photo credit: Babycenter
Peanut is now growing steadily. It has gained about 4 ounces since last week which makes it about 1 1/3 Ib and 11.5″ long, about the length of an ear of corn. It’s body is filling out proportionally now and will soon start to plump up as fat will soon start to gather under its skin. 

The brain is growing quickly now, and the taste buds continue to develop. 

His lungs are developing “branches” of the respiratory “tree” as well as cells that produce surfactant, a substance that will help his air sacs inflate once he hits the outside world and although the skin is still thin and translucent it will start to change very soon.

Any hair that maybe growing on Peanuts hair will still be white at this stage as pigment hasn’t been formed yet.

Me:

I continue to expand at what seems to me an alarming rate, not helped by Christmas. I have now eaten all the chocolates and all the cakes and mince pies have gone so once I get going home put the way (tomorrow), I can get back to a healthy lifestyle and try and kerb some of this extra weight that has nothing to do with baby.

Noticed today that boobs aren’t sore anymore, now this may have been the case for a few days and I’ve only just realised, or it’s just happened today, who knows but hallelujah!!!

My nails are getting to be beautiful once again and hair is thickening (I love this about pregnancy).

Thanks to relaxin I have managed to pull a muscle in my left hand and left foot (go figure) which has rendered it pretty much useless and me in agony. I’m praying it will heal soon because it’s very debilitating and more than uncomfortable.

Arm still sore from whooping cough vaccine and feeling jaded still from that, or flu jab, or both.

Still no hip/pelvis or knee pain this week which is nice. 

Photo credit: BabyCenter

112 days to go.

23 Weeks + 6

That was possibly the worst night’s sleep I have had yet. Whooping cough jab was in left arm, the only side I can sleep on… the pain started at approxiamately 11pm and has been relentless ever since. Why do they hurt so much?

Peanut also decided to wake up at 4.30 and was most definitely lying traverse as I felt a kick in my left side and a punch in my right, it is such a wonderful feeling though, despite the time, one that just can’t be explained in words.

My brother and his family came over for the day which was lovely. DS got to open more presents and play with his cousins which he loved. It was good for me to get absorbed by a family gathering too, I miss my family and have always relished our get togethers, despite feeling far from well. Whether it’s the cold or the after effects to the jabs I’m unsure, I just feel completely washed out and achy and have had to really push myself through today and try and keep a smile painted on my face when all I really wanted to do was go to bed.

Tomorrow is another day, I’m praying for a decent night’s sleep.

113 days to go

23 Weeks + 5

Midwife Appointment

It’s funny how things are different with second pregnancies and today has highlighted yet another. Throughout my pregnancy with DS, unless unavoidably away, OH insisted he was to never miss an appointment, to the point of being REALLY upset if he couldn’t make one. This time?…

“It’s not an important one is it, all you do is piss on a stick, don’t you? I’ll stay at home”

And there you have it in a nutshell. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he’s not coming, I want to voice my concerns about the consultant’s ideas and don’t want him there undermining my every word. However it is another stark difference between DS’ pregnancy and this one.

Other differences: 

Weekly ‘bumpies’ were taken by OH with DS. Now? Taken by me, on my own (or with DS hanging off my shirt tails).

Whenever I mentioned DS was moving/kicking/hiccuping OH would almost leap on my bump desperate to feel every moment and even attempt to hear his heartbeat with his ear. Now? He barely raises an eyebrow unless I actually ask if he wants to feel it.

Regular conversations were held with my bump when pregnant with DS. He would tell him where he was going, if he was going away, what he’d been doing pretty much on a daily basis. Now? I think he’s spoken to Peanut once.

I wonder whether it’s just to do with our complete detachment from each other at the moment or whether it’s the natural scheme of things after one successful pregnancy. I just find it odd.

Anyway, MW appointment went well. Peanut is growing well (on the 5th centile, according to her graph plot). Heartbeat is nice and strong. Nothing wrong with my wee or blood pressure. All is tickety boo.

We had a Christening and DS’ flu vaccine today too (busy day). I had made a previous appointment for both of us to have our vaccines a few weeks ago but due to illness I cancelled and hadn’t made another. Last week i realised with DS starting pre-school in a couple of weeks that he needed it so booked him in right away instead of waiting weeks for a joint appointment. To my surprise the uber efficient nurse, noticing my current ‘condition’ insisted she did my flu and whooping cough vaccines whilst I was there… marvellous!!! Now this is how things should be done instead of sending me away to make another appointment using up their valuable time and resources to do so. So now I’m writing this with a very sore arm, but atleast it’s out the way now.

DS wasn’t quite so impressed with snorting his vaccine though, but handled it ok, he was showered with treats afterwards so soon forgot his chagrine.

114 days to go

23 Weeks + 4

Hooray. First day in what seems like forever that DS is his ‘normal’ self. Appetite back. Full of beAns. Huzzah!

Even managed to get him out the house for most of the day. Beach clean in morning and another beach stomp and play at the park with his bestie in the afternoon, though when he made a new female friend she bitterly objected and ended the ‘date’ with a meltdown to end all meltdowns. DS, being male, just shrugged it all off. So funny.

I’m still full of cold but peanut has been รผber active as usual and spent most of the day booting me in the bowel… pleasant!

Midwife tomorrow.

115 days to go

23 Weeks + 1

Christmas Eve.

It’s been manic today, absolutely manic. In fact I write this at 1900hrs, whilst DS slumbers beside me and I await the transfer, and it occurs to me this is the first time I’ve stopped since 5.30 this morning.

That being said everything is now done, prepped and ready for an easy day tomorrow so we can concentrate on DS and his presents, the only thing left to do is get those presents around the tree and wait for Santa to arrive, though he gave us our main present in August when I found out about Peanut (who has been just as giddy as his/her sibling today)

All the planning, all the racing around, all the toddler bribery will soon be over. The last door of the advent calender has been opened, Santa’s plate is awaiting his imminent arrival, the last present has been wrapped. Tomorrow is the big day, a truly amazing day, the first year DS will really, truly appreciate Christmas. 

Just one thing worries me… Without Santa how on earth are we going to control our threenager after tomorrow?
118 days to go

23 Weeks + 3

Boxing Day. 

Sorry to start on a downer but I have to mention it, not only because he was such a huge part of my youth, growing up in the 80s, and my first epic crush. Waking to the news that George Michael has passed has left me lost for words. We were only bopping along to ‘Last Christmas’ yesterday morning declaring what a great and Wham! we’re and what a talent George Michael was, totally oblivious to the knowledge that it was to be his last, this is just so unbelievably sad. Rest easy George, you were a beautiful man and will be remembered for your incredible talents for decades to come, you shaped my youth and provided the world with incredible music. 2016 has taken way too many, and many way before their time.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and spent it with loved ones.

Ours was just the three of us, as per. By 8am OH and I weren’t talking and it continued in that vein for the rest of the day due to me being ill and not tolerating his belligerent childish ways.

Anyway, DS had a marvellous day, his Playmobil pirate island was a resounding success and hasn’t done much since but play with it. He is an absolute joy to observe when so engrossed in imaginative play, I could watch it forever. He’s such a character. 

Today was marginally better, OH realised after a talk last night that my silence was well founded and he promised to try harder (to be honest I’m fed up with hearing it every year). I could understand it if I’ve had a reason to hate Christmas but simply because ‘I refuse to be happy because someone tells me I should be’ doesntcut the mustard with me, and I find it ridiculously childish and if he continues like this I shall take my children somewhere else to enjoy Christmas. I will not allow him to ruin their memories of it.

I find Christmas tough myself without my mum, and now without even a card from my dad, but I paint on a mask and enjoy it for DS. Children are what make Christmas and I want him to have the same wonderful memories that I did. Next year I hope we are well enough to attend a service or two.

Peanut has been dancing a jig all weekend, it’s either an uber active baby or it’s high on sugar after all the festive treats ๐Ÿ˜‚

As of tomorrow I’m going to try and stick to plan, eating wise. Hoping to pretty much finish all the bad food tonight so tomorrow can start afresh. I’m not thanking all the chocolate based presents this year, not one bit!!! For once I miss the smellies.

Have finalised plans for a visit back home for New Year’s Eve which will be fab, just praying for good weather as Auntie has booked a beach hut on Marine Parade for the day so hoping for some NYD festivities on the beach with friends.

Symptom wise I’ve been ok, though my tummy has felt incredibly tight the last two days (Christmas food or baby? The votes are still being counted) and barring the stinking cold everything else is fine.

Praying for good weather tomorrow so we can enjoy a nice walk with friends, I’m getting cabin fever and missing the company of others (I’m not used to, nor like small Christmases one bit).

Here’s hoping.

116 days to go

23 Weeks + 2

Christmas Day.

Absolute toddler bedlam here today now he’s asleep it’s time for the great tidy so a very brief post today. 

I hope everyone had a lovely time with family and friends, or whatever you did. 

Christmas can be lonely for many, even for some that are surrounded by people, I just hope that you guys had an awesome one.

Merry Christmas.

115 days to go.

23 Weeks Pregnant

Today started with a 6am Morrison’s Christmas food shop, GENIUS idea! There were about 10 shoppers in there and no queues at tills. Think I’ll do the shopping at this time every week. DS was as good as gold and charmed everyone he met, as usual, but by the time we got back he’d had about enough and had a bit of a crash so we spent the rest of the day indoors thanks to Storm Barbara’s imminent arrival.

I nipped out to do some last minute present shopping to save me and OH from ripping each other’s throats out and it seemed to work, only a couple of tiffs today!

Feeling a lot more positive today after yesterday’s mental crash and hoping it lasts until the festivities are over. Christmas is always a tough one for missing my mum as she made Christmas so special every year and I miss those big family/friends gatherings, it’s weird it just being us three but this suits OH because it’s all he knows. I love the hullabaloo that a big gathering ensues.

Anyway, here’s to some more tolerable days for the festive season.

Baby:

Photo credit: BabyCenter

Peanut is around 11 inches long now and just over a pound in weight, about the size of a large Grapefruit.

Peanut is moving loads and can now clearly be felt externally, as long as it’s caught in time, both OH and DS have now felt it. DS is so cute when he does feel it and regular says… “want baby out of your tummy now please Mummy”

The skin is now red thanks to all the blood vessels developing under translucent skin and it’s lungs are developing nicely in preparation for taking its first breath outside the womb.

Me:


I plod on, feeling huge at the moment and am suffering flat tummy syndrome again (I got this with DS too).

Symptom wise no real change. Lots of tenderness on my tummy around the belly button and off to the right hand side. No hip pain for a while. Boobs still sore and nipples going REALLY dark (they actually got lighter with DS). I’m still peeing like a horse and having to readjust several times in order to completely empty bladder, then of course still need to go again 2 minutes later.

Weight.. Eek! Wait for this… 10st 5Ib which is a total gain of 1 stone 5 from conception which I think is a little much so am going to desperately try and get back on plan and start curbing the gain.

I’ve found all the tone in my legs has gone from my running and fear my arse is trying to compete with that Kardashian woman and I’m not liking it one iota. 

119 days to go

22 Weeks + 6

I apologise, this is a whingy one. For sake of my mental stability, I need to vent…

How I dream of sleep.

I say dream of it, I would if I could ever stay asleep long enough to have an actual dream.

Between the incessant 100 decibel snoring from the OH, my blasted bladder and poor DS’ cough I think I’m managing 5 hours of horribly broken sleep a night for the last week. This can then be added to by OH waking ME up because HE wants ME to check on DS instead of getting out the sodding bed and checking himself. 

OH of course could offer me a lie-in occasionally, but never does… he likes to appear that he looks after me in my Pregnant state, in reality he only manages it if looking after me doesn’t impinge his own comfort and needs. Example: “Don’t be so stupid. Do NOT lift that box of (feather light) decorations” yet happily watched me sort out and take out two bin bags of rubbish and the recycling half an hour later (this involves dragging it all up numerous steps, across a boggy garden and down a lane)!! This kind of menial task doesn’t bother me, it really doesn’t however his pretence at being the ‘man of the house’ (yes, I live in Victorian England here) is becoming insufferable as my tiredness increases. He wonders why I’m constantly irritated… let’s take a look around shall we?! ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ™„ 

What I hate more is that it’s turning me into a whinging gas bag. I wasn’t intending this blog to be like this, but then I did say it was about my feelings so perhaps by ‘getting it out there’ without *actually* getting it out there and risking an argument to end all arguments, I’m somehow preserving this family by venting here. I’m also at risk of boring any friends I still hold dear to death with my constant whinging about him and have promised myself to stop.

Peanut continues to let me know several times a day that it is doing just fine in there and I just hope that by the time we welcome it into the world we will have moved and some of the stresses, that I’m hoping is the cause of this current situation, will be relieved. I hate the thought of bringing someone so precious and so wanted into such a toxic situation, it’s not fair.

I know I’m lucky to have DS and to have Peanut on the way, I know I’m lucky to have a roof over our heads and food in cupboards but I just can’t help wishing things were different. At 43 I never thought I’d be stressing out about affording a tea cake and a cup of tea, I feel like I’m ready to snap.

Tomorrow is another day, one that was going to bring my brother and his family over, I was so looking forward to it. Since mum, and now dad, died I feel totally alone in the world and seeing my brothers makes me feel part of something again. Now they have cancelled at the last minute for all I can think of is they can’t be bothered to drive the hour and ten here. I’m gutted, I’m beyond gutted, I was relying on this visit to level me out a bit, give me a bit of love, a bit of laughter, a bit of being part of something but now it’s going to be another day like any other but I am going to try and get my head together for Peanut and DS’ sake, if no one else’s. I think I may take DS and myself off somewhere for the day to get out of this god forsaken town because I think if I stay here another day I might just snap.

I apologise.

120 days to go