At 9.15am on the 9th April 2017, after an hour of labour, I delivered a healthy 8Ib 4oz baby girl and I am head over heels in love with her.
I will write my birth story soon, before I forget all the details, but for now I am drowning myself in every single moment of my precious, beautiful girl and spending quality time with DS who is equally as besotted with his baby sisty.
I’ve always abided by this opinion. I rarely take medication, I try and eat as naturally as I can and I totally disagree with interfering with the way nature should work where your body is concerned.
So why the FUCK did I do it this time. Because a bloody consultant scared the shit out of us and after yesterday we now know that his opinion is NOT shared by other consultants in the same bloody hospital.
It’s been a rather eventful 12 hours. After returning home my contractions remained at 5 minutes until 2030 where I lost a gush of what I assumed was mucus plug so rang hospital to check it wasn’t waters (I know I have a lot of water and that this didn’t represent the amount I should have lost). She said to go in so they could check or wait an hour to see if contractions worsen then go in but she needed to determine whether my waters had gone or not.
After much deliberation and trying to contact community midwife to see if she could come out (unsuccessfully I may say) my waters actually broke with much mess ensuing.
Rang G to come look after DS and rang hospital To say we were coming in to which she told us not to!!!! Now she knows the waters had gone we didn’t need to go in until contractions were closer together and I couldn’t speak through the pain and to ring back in morning if there was no change.
I tried to explain to her that load of bullshit… I was talking through all my contractions with DS until half hour before pushing. I wish that they wouldn’t say this to women. Everyone is different, everyone has different thresholds and to stop someone coming because they’re talking is ludicrous. It was because I was talking at 2 minute apart that we didn’t race to hospital quicker with DS and were only there an hour before he was born. I also explained the speed at which I progressed with DS. None of this made the blindest difference.
We stayed at home. I continued leaking water and contracting every five minutes, sent G home and went to bed.
At 2345 I woke up and contractions were between 1 and 2 minutes apart so got up to get dressed and change pad only for everything to stop.
Haven’t had a contraction since.
Not one.
Rang first thing and she told me to ring back at midday where they may ask me to go in to be monitored and book an induction as they don’t like to let you go more than 24 hours after waters have broken.
Rang at midday and induction booked for 9pm tonight so we have to head over there an hour beforehand.
On a side note I was reading my notes from yesterday and discovered that the MW blatantly lied on my notes. See pic below:
Note boxes Fetal Heart Rate Prior To VE and Fetal Heart Rate After VE.
Got it?
At NO point did anyone, let alone the MW check baby’s heartrate yesterday. To say I’m angry is an understatement and I will be pointing this out to someone when we get to hospital.
So that’s that.
I wish I’d never had that bloody sweep.
It really doesn’t pay to f*ck with nature.
13 days to go
8 hours until induction
After the sweep yesterday I was plagued by period like pains and backache all afternoon and by early evening they were forming a regular pattern is between 8 and 10 minutes. To say I was on a heightened state of alert is an understatement.
I told the people whom will be involved in DS’ care and told them to be on standby. My brother is very inconveniently away on holiday this week so have had to go with my back up plan which isn’t ideal but it will have to do.
I think I pretty much sobbed on and off all evening worrying about DS. I hate the thought of him being upset and not being there to comfort him and worse, being the cause of his misery.
According to the contraction counter the pains got to such that I was in second stage labour so went to bed early. During the night I was getting back ache, but there’s nothing new there. When I got up to use the toilet (which was often as since Sweep I can’t stop peeing) all pains stopped.
Ironically it would have been the best time to go into labour as DS slept soundly until 7.30am by which time (judging by the speed of DS’ arrival) OH would have been back home to fetch him.
Needless to say nothing happened last night and today I’ve been hit with sporadic cramping and back ache, increased bloody discharge which I’m taking as my ‘show’, but not a lot else. However I shan’t be straying too far from home, that’s for sure!
Nappies arrived today so bag is now totally packed and ready by the front door should anything happen tonight.
I managed to get all of DS’ treats bought for when we’re not here, showed G (my friend who will come straight over to watch Noah until back up arrives from home) where we keep everything and she tells me her Bag is packed and she’s packed toys and distractions for DS. She is an absolute gem and I’m really not sure what I’d do without her.
I am extremely emotional. I keep looking at DS and want to sob. He really has no clue as to how his life will change and I feel so guilty about it. He has been the centre of my world since his birth, my main focus, my entire life since November ’13 has revolved around him and him alone and now that won’t be the case anymore and it breaks my heart to think that he will think I don’t love him as much anymore. I find myself just staring at him, absorbing every part of him, hugging and kissing him all the time, watching him sleep for half an hour after settling him.
I want him to know that I’m having this baby for him, aswell as for us. He’s so excited for it’s arrival but you know he has no idea how it’s going to change his life.
I pray he doesn’t feel left out when it arrives.
16 days to go
Before finally packing my hospital bag I found myself making a list of final preparations that need to be done before Peanut makes it’s debut.
Anyone who knows me knows I don’t *do* lists, like NEVER. However with the state of my disorganised brain and the fact I’m having my first sweep tomorrow, so potential for an imminent arrival, I thought, in this case, a list is most definitely required
So here it is:
I actually thought I had done everything and I’m a little perturbed as to how much I have yet to do.
I had a fantastic surprise today that OHs mum has bought us the SnuzPod we wanted so borrowing one and purchasing a new mattress is now obsolete.
So imagine my excitement when it arrived and I got to setting it up, only to discover on assembling it this afternoon a part is faulty so have had to contact them, fill out a form and now wait for a replacement part to be sent… I am beyond gutted!!! I was so excited to get it ready today 🙁
Nappies were dispatched today so I’ll expect them either tomorrow or Wednesday so that’ll be another thing crossed off the list.
I’ve been stuck in all day today awaiting SnuzPod delivery and OpenReach engineer and starting to feel a little desperate about not being able to get out and buy DS’ and Peanut’s presents to each other but am going to try and get that ticked off tomorrow morning.
Then it’s sweep at 1220 if everything’s ‘favourable’.
Wish me luck
18 days to go
What a stunningly beautiful day it’s been today, so we’ve made the most of it.
It occurred to me this morning that this could, potentially, be our last weekend as a family of three and seeing as sunshine has been such a rarity of late I wanted to make the most of it.
Housework, chores and the like can wait. I wanted to make memories with just the three of us before our world changes, once again, forever and takes on a whole new dynamic. I wanted DS to be our main focus whilst we can. I wanted to make today special.
The day started with our usual weekly Parent and Toddler swim and due to lack of playmates we left earlier than usual (we usually stay for softplay afterwards).
We came home, grabbed lunch, a bucket and spade and headed down to the beach for a walk. Although a little nippy it really was beautiful down there and short of a very close shave with a huge rock and our heads (OH accidentally threw a rock up instead of out and it very narrowly missed mine and DS as I grabbed him and hunched over him to protect him).
This traumatic incident was followed by a lovely walk along the canal followed by some really touristy behaviour as we took to the canal on a Beetle Pedalo.
This is something we’ve promised DS for probably over a year and never got round to. It was fantastic despite it being possibly the most uncomfortable half hour of my life as my cumbersome form flopped onto the back of said pedalo whilst leaning over front seat holding onto DS’ life jacket.
DS absolutely loved it (though we did have tantrums when we had to go back which was a slight shame).
We then paid a visit to the Heritage Centre, ice cream, a run around on the castle grounds and a nice walk back home.
All in all, despite having a very tired little boy who’s mood deteriorated pretty quickly resulting in an early bedtime, we had a really lovely day.
A day of firsts.
A day of anecdotes
A day of memories
A day as three.
I have been gathering things together for the hospital bag for a week or so now. I have bought pretty much everything I need it’s just the packing now that OH is home and has brought my bag back.
So what’s in it?
Toilet Bag:
My Bag:
Baby’s Bag:
I may appear to have packed a lot more than other blogs/sites recommend for baby but considering DS used up all 3 of his babygros within 6 hours of being born, due to vomit and our clumsiness, I’m not taking any chances this time.
DS’ Bag:
This is something I’m putting off until the last minute due to the fact if I go into labour spontaneously he’ll be staying at home anyway. Should I be booked in for induction then I’ll have time to pack for him so currently this is the list for him:
In addition to all this lot there is, of course, the car seat in which I will be bringing the second of my babies home in (God willing) ❤️
20 days to go
That’s it. We’ve done it. We’ve reached term!
I scarcely believe it. It’s been one heck of an emotional rollercoaster once again but still I fail to be able to relax until Peanut is safe in my arms.
As hard as I try I can’t help but have an underlying and overwhelming feeling that something is/will be wrong despite everything seemingly being ok. I suppose this is the legacy of living under the shadow of recurrent miscarriages.
I have, today for my consultants appointment through which is at hospital next Friday (7th April) at 1045 so that’ll be a cervical examination, stretch and sweep and more discussions as to what we do next.
After all my thoughts of waiting I think I’ve actually got to the point where I’ll be giving in And asking them to get this baby out of me.
Baby:
Although not considered full term until 39 Weeks, I am today considered term so any extra cooking time is a good advantage to insure fully developed brain and lungs for baby.
This week Peanut weighs 6 1/3Ibs though in reality, according to scans, it’s possibly nearing 8!!!!! Vegetable of the week is a bunch of Swiss chard).
Me:
I’m doing ok. I’m uncomfortable beyond belief. But I’m doing ok. Baby’s head is well and truly rooted in my pelvis meaning I’m walking like I should be riding a horse, a very slow horse at that.
I’m still getting out of breath very quickly with no real provocation.
Insomnia seems to have plagued me for the last three nights. Once I’ve woken up for the kazillionth time to pee my mind starts and that’s it, I’ve had it.
I’ve also been struck with the most horrific Braxton Hicks. I never suffered these with DS and can’t believe how incredibly uncomfortable they are and unlike real labour they last forEVER (or so it seems).
My hands and feet continue to be puffy which again I didn’t suffer from with DS.
Leg cramps are quite severe at night. When all I want to do is have a good old stretch, I can’t without risking the most horrific spasms.
I feel like I’m on constant ‘show’ watch. I think because I’m suffering from so much discomfort I’m expecting to go into labour any time soon which is highly unlikely but I am very glad OH has stopped being on the road now.
On a plus, I’m not suffering from indigestion (though now I’ve said that….). My hair and nails are AMAZING! Everyone is telling me how well I’m looking and also speculating on the gender because of how I’m ‘carrying’ baby. They also comment how I haven’t put on weight… I think the bump is just so bloody massive it’s distracting them from my growing thighs and butt 😂
21 days to go.
My brother has got a date through for his OBE presentation ceremony. In lieu of being able to have our parents there he has asked that my other brother and I attend in their place.
I couldn’t be more honoured and really want to go.
Problem: No under 5’s allowed, the service is 2 hours long at Buckingham Palace and Peanut will be, at the very youngest 4 Weeks old, maybe 6.
Now although I think baby will be fine if I feed it prior to entering the palace OH is freaking out.
He’s freaking out at having both children for two whole hours (how do is mother’s cope everyday on our own?). He has now started making other excuses such as cost, despite the fact he is going to bloody Wembley to watch his shit performing football team on the Sunday of the same weekend. Needless to say he hasn’t mentioned the cost of that overnight stay in London, but this one is an issue.
The fact of the matter is that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity that I don’t want to miss out on. I am immensely proud of my brother’s achievements and OH is just making it out to be this huge stressful situation that I’m already searching for excuses to get out of it.
Why can he not just man up and say ‘ok, let’s do this, I’ll be fine’ even if he thinks he won’t be?
I know this is going to cause all sorts of issues and arguments in the run up and I’m going to spend the whole ceremony stressing about it all but why should I have to forfeit something that means something to me when I haven’t done anything for myself in over three years.
Why can he not be more supportive of something that means a lot to me without making me feel guilty for wanting to do something that is potentially a little awkward?
Am I being unreasonable?
In the meantime these Braxton Hicks gave been quite intense today. I never realised how uncomfortable they are and am mightily glad to get back to my ball because of it.
22 days to go
(Delayed publishing due to internet issues last night.)
Short post today as I really don’t have much to say as I am just utterly exhausted, both mentally and physically.
Hands continue to be a bit puffy and spongey, mainly in the morning and noticed this evening my feet have decided it’s time for them to join the party.
Now I’m worrying about pre-eclampsia. Jeez I’m a hyperchondriac!!! I know full well that it’s usual but I can’t seem to stop my mind wandering off into these far flung lands of terrible illnesses. Luckily I have a Bp machine at home and know full well my blood pressure is fine. Atleast this stops me making humiliating ’emergency’ trips to the MW 😄.
23 days to go
It’s safe to say I am now heavily pregnant.
My stomach feels like it’s going to tear open at any given moment. Walking has become more of a very slow waddle, the fact OH now walks faster than me says it all. He is firmly of the opinion that if you have a car why the heck should you walk, I am the complete opposite and regularly get told off for walking too fast, which to him is anything faster than a casual meander.
My hands are extremely swollen today, for the past few days they’ve swelled in the night but gone down during the day, today they’ve stayed fairly swollen, no doubt my feet will follow next.
This pregnancy is so totally different to DS’, I actually can’t believe how different they could be being that I am the same person.
I am actually looking forward to getting this baby out now. Don’t get me wrong I’m going to miss feeling Peanut’s gentle squirms and rolling movements as there really is nothing like it and it’s going to be extremely sad knowing that I’ll never have that feeling again but I am so ridiculously uncomfortable right now.
Braxton hicks continue to plague me, usually at times where I can’t do anything about them to ease their pains.
I’ll be interested to see how ‘favourable’ my cervix is on Tuesday.
24 days to go
fearfullyhopeful 