After the sweep yesterday I was plagued by period like pains and backache all afternoon and by early evening they were forming a regular pattern is between 8 and 10 minutes. To say I was on a heightened state of alert is an understatement.

I told the people whom will be involved in DS’ care and told them to be on standby. My brother is very inconveniently away on holiday this week so have had to go with my back up plan which isn’t ideal but it will have to do.

I think I pretty much sobbed on and off all evening worrying about DS. I hate the thought of him being upset and not being there to comfort him and worse, being the cause of his misery.

According to the contraction counter the pains got to such that I was in second stage labour so went to bed early. During the night I was getting back ache, but there’s nothing new there. When I got up to use the toilet (which was often as since Sweep I can’t stop peeing) all pains stopped.

Ironically it would have been the best time to go into labour as DS slept soundly until 7.30am by which time (judging by the speed of DS’ arrival) OH would have been back home to fetch him.

Needless to say nothing happened last night and today I’ve been hit with sporadic cramping and back ache, increased bloody discharge which I’m taking as my ‘show’, but not a lot else. However I shan’t be straying too far from home, that’s for sure!

Nappies arrived today so bag is now totally packed and ready by the front door should anything happen tonight.

I managed to get all of DS’ treats bought for when we’re not here, showed G (my friend who will come straight over to watch Noah until back up arrives from home) where we keep everything and she tells me her Bag is packed and she’s packed toys and distractions for DS. She is an absolute gem and I’m really not sure what I’d do without her.

I am extremely emotional. I keep looking at DS and want to sob. He really has no clue as to how his life will change and I feel so guilty about it. He has been the centre of my world since his birth, my main focus, my entire life since November ’13 has revolved around him and him alone and now that won’t be the case anymore and it breaks my heart to think that he will think I don’t love him as much anymore. I find myself just staring at him, absorbing every part of him, hugging and kissing him all the time, watching him sleep for half an hour after settling him.

I want him to know that I’m having this baby for him, aswell as for us. He’s so excited for it’s arrival but you know he has no idea how it’s going to change his life.

I pray he doesn’t feel left out when it arrives.

16 days to go

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