After I wrote my post yesterday I had a message from a friend.

Another mum went for her 20 week scan yesterday and after which they were going to officially announce the pregnancy when they knew what they were having, gender wise. My friend was getting anxious as she hadn’t heard anything.

Then she did.

They were dealt some pretty devastating news that the little boy hasn’t developed properly and they need to go back today for further investigation.

They are more a friend of my friend, than of mine but I know them due to their son being fairly close in age to DS. I can’t even begin to imagine what they are going through right now.

They must have gone off to that scan with so much hope and joy. I know she wanted to announce it before now so she must have been planning how they were going to do it and to now be in this awful limbo of waiting, I dread to imagine what she must be feeling.

I have lost babies and it is awful! Dreadful! But they were before 13 Weeks. To feel the threat of it happening after making plans, after feeling baby move, after watching your belly grow, after being in the ‘safe zone’ is unimaginable.

Right now I’m praying for them. I’m praying that the baby is just small (their son was tiny as mum is very small) or that the ‘problem’ is something not too devastating.

It’s made me hug DS that bit harder this morning when he woke. It’s made me hug my bump that little bit more. It’s made me dread Friday for fear of being told something dreadful however unlikely it is now. It’s made me panic that something could still, very easily, go wrong with my birth. It’s made me panic that there may be an issue that has gone unnoticed.

Everything is so uncertain until you get that tiny baby of yours in your arms and you can see that it is fine and healthy.

Even in today’s day and age things can happen, things can go wrong and I’m so acutely aware of this, even more so now.

My thoughts right now are with her and her husband and I hope, beyond hope that they haven’t had to make that terrible decision to end what they’ve been trying for so long and to every other person in the same position and I remain forever grateful for this, my second, healthy pregnancy.

31 days to go


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