I dreamt I was bleeding last night, like properly bleeding. It was so real, the dream day was so normal, OH was away (as he is) and I was sat on the sofa watching TV having put DS to bed. This just made the fear more intense, more tangible. The relief I felt when I woke was so overwhelming I actually cried (after going to the toilet and double checking it wasn’t true).

I don’t know why I dreamt this, I’m obviously harbouring more anxiety than I’m completely aware of. 

How I’d love to be able to relax. 

The closer I get to the wonderful and imminent event of Peanut’s arrival, the more worried I’m getting. 

I’m worried about how my labour will be started. I’m worried about DS. I’m worried about any complications which may arise. I’m worried about Peanut’s health. I still live in fear of Down’s syndrome. Of autism. 

I know that worrying won’t change a thing and if there are any complications or health defects then we’ll just get through it like we’ve got through everything else that we’ve been met with on this journey to become a family. 

I often think how can we have tried to push our luck a second time. Silly, I know.

As of today Peanut continues to do great. Still very active.

Another night of hip pain and round ligament pain. Peanut also seems to be playing with my bowel today which is really very uncomfortable giving me that feeling of needing a poo and lower back pain pretty much all day. Hanging over my ball is alleviating this.

43 days to go.

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