Sometimes I have to pinch myself and remind myself that I’m actually pregnant. To say I ‘forget’ that I am isn’t quite right but it leaves my mind on occasion. If it wasn’t for this blog I’d probably struggle to remember how far along it’s been, so different to the first time.
I look at my tummy and think I’ve gained all the weight that I lost and have to stop myself feeling angry with myself, telling myself I’m pregnant, not fat. It’s a weird feeling, one I can’t really put into words. Whether it’s connected with my disbelief that I could be this lucky again, after months of trying and so many disappointments it’s probably a protection mechanism my mind has put up to protect me from further grief. Or whether it’s just because I have a VERY active toddler to deal with too.
I just wish I could relax and enjoy a pregnancy, this will be my last and I’m so desperate to enjoy it but I can’t seem to allow myself to do so.
At 16 weeks I had a massive bleed with DS, of course he was fine, there was no explanation for it and that was the only glitch that pregnancy had but it came at a point where I had started to enjoy expecting and I felt like it was the universe’s way of slapping me round the face and punishing me for feeling hopeful. Now I find myself scared of feeling hopeful again, in case something like that, or worse happens again.
The psyche is a strange creature. I’m sure a psychologist would have a field day with me at the moment.
Having said all of this it may sound like I don’t enjoy being pregnant which is so not the truth. I’m over the moon, I’m just scared of letting myself believe that it’s going to be hitch free.
I can’t wait to be able to feel stronger and more consistent movements from Peanut, perhaps then I’ll be able to relax a bit.
Peanut is now about 4 inches long and weighing in at about 100g (3.5oz) and the fruit of the week is an Avocado.
Peanut’s head is more erect than it has been up until now and the eyes have moved closer to the front of it’s head.
The circulatory system and urinary tract are now working fully and they are inhaling and exhaling amniotic fluid.
In the next couple of weeks Peanut is going to have a massive growth spurt and double in size, which doesn’t bode well for a cute baby bump 😆
This week the limbs are more developed and are more controlled when it comes to movement and is more than likely using the umbilical cord as a play thing.
Putting my worries to one side I feel fairly good. I’m still very tired but DS not sleeping very well isn’t helping this.
I’m peeing ALL the time. Suffering the occasional headache. Thankfully I’ve had no nausea this week, round ligament pain has not been an issue either but I am getting quite a bit of stretching of my belly which isn’t surprising considering the size I’ve already got to.
My mood is all over the place. Again, I’m thinking this is due more to tiredness than hormones but who can tell?!
Weight: 9st 5.5Ibs
168 days to go