When I received the date for my scan two things immediately sprung to mind, two massive things that very nearly made me refuse that particular date, that particular week. I didn’t have a choice though as it was the only date available in the timeframe the scan needs to be done but I wasn’t happy about it. Those two things? The thirteenth (thank god it’s not a Friday too) and the fact it’s Baby Loss Awareness Week.

I was actually terrified that the outcome of this scan will end miserably on such a poignant week. Then I think how beautiful it would be if it was to end positively this week of all weeks so I’ve decided to focus on the latter. 

Of course this week has made me think more of my 4 other babies that never got to flourish and it only fuels my desire to know that this one is all ok in there.

I woke this morning after an awful night due to OH snoring so much DS woke at 3.30 then every time he was nearly asleep a further fog horned volume snore woke him again. I’m not kidding when I say I very nearly put a pillow over OH face at 4.30. Anyhow, as I lay there nursing DS I realised I was lying on  my right side, a no-no from second trimester as the uterus can lie on the vena cava, and at that time in the morning I panicked I was close enough to second trimester for it to cause an issue.

Of course moving forward in the day I realise I’m not half as nauseous today as I have been and this has just fuelled my worry even more.

I’ve got to keep reminding myself that I’ve only got to get through tomorrow now. Scan is at 1110 on Thursday and the hospital is an hour and a half away so will be occupied well enough that day.

Wish me luck.

I just need to keep it together for one more entire day, after that we’ll know one way or the other.

Trying to be positive. I really am.

2 days until the scan.

193 days to go.

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