Mildly better night last night with DS only waking once and finally starting the day at 5.45. Me, however? Incredible sore back and lower abdominal region, judging by my inability to poo this morning I’m putting it down to constipation and promising myself not to miss my Lactulose again (how many times have I said this now?).

Period like pains continued throughout the morning and also suffered the most horrific sugar crash only 2 hours after breakfast meaning I had to be naughty in a cafe with the consumption of a cheese scone to stop myself from fainting. Horrible feeling especially with a 2 year old who insisted on being carried half a mile to get to said cafe.

Had a meeting with site manager at new house. Been told we won’t be in until Spring now, fricking marvellous timing should this all pan out right, thankfully we have a full moving and packing package rolled into the deal because I don’t much fancy doing all of that whilst heavy with child. In other news it’s kind of got me a little excited about the new house, now need to choose all the finer details.

Saw the mum of my friend who miscarried last week and had a long chat with her. She’s up and down, bless her, but doing ok. Although her mum did say those awful words that make me reel; “Well at least they know they can get pregnant”. Why do people think this is an acceptable thing to say to someone who has lost a baby? Especially a mother to her daughter. I know it’s ignorance, not malice that is behind it but why don’t people think. No one needs platitudes, just offer a little empathy. 

On a much much more positive note… fantastic news from my mummy camp, my friend gave birth to a healthy baby girl this evening, 2 hours after her telling us that nothing would be happening tonight due to a busy labour ward (she was induced), the ward has been busy for 2 days bless her so really pleased that she gets to come home tomorrow so she can see her son.

Makes me feel very excited for this pregnancy and also absolutely terrified that it might not pan out. I’m not sure I could deal with another loss and the grief and disappointment that it would bring. I so want this to proceed, if only hope and want was enough to make things have a happy outcome. 

Please, let it be.

20 days until the scan.

211 days to go.


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