With every day my hope builds but then I remember that we’re a long way from safe and that I’m firmly positioned in ‘danger time zone’ right now and this won’t change until atleast another 3 weeks.
Met up with an old work friend today who is 23 weeks pregnant (our first babies were born two weeks apart) and all I could do was pray that I’ll be in her position in 13 weeks time. I really enjoyed being pregnant with my DS and find I’m sickingly jealous of everyone who is in that position. People tell me I should be grateful that ‘at least’ I have DS… Yes, people are that cruel. And although I will forever be grateful for his safe arrival it doesn’t put an end to my yearning for another. This sentiment is usually spouted by people with more than 1 child I may add.
I’m not sure writing this blog is such a good thing, 1) I’m finding time is seriously dragging and, 2) it’s actually making me think about positive possibilities and I’m terrified that there isn’t going to be one. I’d probably be best off trying to just forget about it for the next four weeks until the scan.
However that isn’t going to happen. I know that, should this pregnancy turn out to be viable, I’d be disappointed that I didn’t chart it as it would be my last pregnancy, so here we are, back to square one.
I actually managed to eat vegetables last night, alongside my roast dinner. I am actually really pleased with this as I do love veg and miss them incredibly. Sickness hasn’t been as bad today so cue dark, negative thoughts, I’ll never be happy… Well not until the 13th, should everything go to plan. Not going to be throwing out the fertility monitor anytime soon.
24 days until the scan.
215 days to go.