Awful night with DS, awake every hour in floods of tears due to cough and/or being bunged up. Luckily I had the foresight to prepare myself so don’t feel too dreadful today, but then it’s only midday, plenty time for that to change.

Running around trying to get flat in some sort of order for new estate agent photographs and he’s gone and moved the appointment forward. It really does look like I’ll be shifting piles of toys from one room to the other when he’s here.

Still feeling very sick and woozy, boobs incredibly sore and growing… Typically having just forked out a fortune on new bras a couple of weeks ago. Maternity and feeding bras are hardly the most attractive of garments. Now there’s a niche in a market for someone with the know how.

Nausea did subside earlier than usual today which has, of course sent me into panic mode, especially having just read that an acquaintance (FB friend) has just miscarried at 11 weeks. I swear these next 4 weeks are going to be the longest of my life.

Sometimes, and I hate to write this for fear of jinxing it but I promised myself I’d be transparent with this blog and not hide anything, especially for irrational reasoning. I have this feeling, this gut feeling that yes, this is going to happen! Then I find myself desperately trying to build those protective walls back up again and check myself for hoping! Everytime I go to the toilet I check my pants for, and check the paper afterwards, dreading that I’ll see blood waiting for that moment when I will see it. I just wish I could enjoy being pregnant and not feel constantly anxious over every ache, constantly paranoid over symptoms. I’m not even 9 weeks yet, Lord help me.

219 days to go


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